( video ) America: Greet the new arrival to the embassy

[starspangledhero]

[ America pops up, all smiles as usual. The camera shakes a bit as he moves up the stairs to his apartment. ]

Yeesh, usually I check in more than this, but you know how it goes: busy taking down vicious beasts, throwing birthday parties, saving the city, the usual! Ah, hold on...

[ He fumbles in his pocket for a key, opening his door... ]

So earlier I had this really good idea for-!

[ This is promptly cut off by a scream. It is the scream of someone who is now witnessing their precious pet dog(dragonwolfmonsterhellbeast) being eviscerated and eaten. Actually, here, have a quick view of the scene while America presses himself against the wall: ...why, it's only Nepeta enjoying a meal consisting of monster meat! What's so terrible about that?

Fucking everything, damn it. That blood splatter on the floor was his pet. How would you feel if someone ate your dog? Not too hot. Even if the creature eating your pet happens to be a cute little troll girl who, at the moment, looks a bit like a pet who just got caught doing something they shouldn't. The irony of this situation continues to mount. ]

PUPPY, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! OHMYGOD IT'S EATING MY DOG!

[ Cue more incoherent screaming as he grapples for his shotgun. Amidst his struggling, the communicator switches off.

If you are in Marshall, you can probably hear his screaming. ]

Comments

[Action!!!] THIRD TIME IS THE CHAAARM!

[totallygay]

[Tatsumi chuckles at the nicknames]

Don't tell me ya went to hell for drinking it! Or perhaps for making it?

[He takes another round himself and some pretzels. The werewolf leaves one in teeth, not eating it but nibbling on it]

I mean, how else would you know what hellfire tastes like?

[Action!!!] in that case ~*~it's inevitable~*~

[starspangledhero]

[ Here is where I could insert some tragic imagery about America breathing in the ashes of charred human beings during wartime, but the thought is simply too depressing for his current state of mind, no matter how much Tatsumi would probably appreciate hearing about his trauma. Plus it's Hetalia and this is a night dedicated to silliness.

Instead he takes another swig and grins cheekily. ]

I'm approximating! I'm guessing it's something like atomic ash mixed with syphilis. But I thought "it tastes like we're drinking syphilis" just didn't have the same sorta ring to it.

[ it's like a mouthful of Nevada. ]

[Action!!!] fbgtmrnhytdjkhtfgv <3

[totallygay]

Sounds better than this stuff, in a way. At least it would be different. Ha ha!

[Tatsumi take a long sip, which is more of a gulp, of the battery acid before washing it down with root beer.]

This place needs better alcohol, actually. I wonder if that could happen...

[Action!!!] <33333333

[starspangledhero]

[ Doing the same. He's probably almost finished by this point. ]

I could try and make moonshine if I had the right stuff. Wouldn't be great, but still better than this.

[Action!!!] <3 x Ya!

[totallygay]

Ya? What do you need for that?

[Tatsumi notices and pushes another bottle his way, just so he doesn't have to reach far. After all, What better way to mourn the loss of your puppy by drinking battery acid?]

[Action!!!] <3 x PRETEND THERE IS AN AMERICAN FLAG HERE

[starspangledhero]

[ Nothing, clearly, and the second there's more in front of him he'll just keep going. His eyes roll up as he tries to recalls his Prohibition days and tries to remember. ]

Brown sugar, corn, malt, yeast, uhhhh the still will be hardest to come by. Might be able to weld something together, but I've never made one myself before.

[Action!!!] AMERICAN FLAG x や!

[totallygay]

Ha ha. Might just be better to ask for one, ya?

[He isn't too far behind, grabbing another beer]

What would you call it? You'd have to have you own label and stuff.

[Action!!!] AMERICAN FLAG x (☞•∀•)☞

[starspangledhero]

Yeah! Now if only the People in Charge will give me what I actually want for a change, that'd be great.

[ I have no idea how strong the battery acid beer is, but I'm assuming it's not as bad as shots. Getting drunk could take him a while. ]

Hmmm, probably something awesome! Like "Atomic Shots" or "Fuck Communism"!

[ I would totally drink anything called "fuck communism." ]

[Action!!!] *stares @ forever*

[totallygay]

So, that's a regular thing and not just something they do for Christmas? Ha ha!

[Awww, I don't know if sucking his own blood will still make Tatsumi drunk with his chip in or what but there is always bending time and space or saving it for another time.]

I bet "Atomic Shots" is probably already been done. You're much safer and more original with "Fuck Communism!"

[I'd try that! Hell ya!]

[Action!!!] *stares back* ∂∆∂

[starspangledhero]

Yeah I mean, you can ask 'em for stuff, but usually you just end up with something not as good as what ya wanted.

[ Bending time and space is surprisingly doable for America. I will have to revisit this idea when I'm not falling over due to sleeping pills. ]

"Fuck Communism" it is, then! It'll get ya drunk and it's politically activist!

[Action!!!] *STARES 4freakingever* ◕ ω ◕

[totallygay]

Ha ha! I'm going to have to test that out on my own. There are a few things I'd like to have.

I want to be the first to try it!! Ya have to let me! I could advertise it for ya too!

[Not like they'd need it in discedo]

[Action!!!] ohgod what is that face

[starspangledhero]

Me too, I gotta get back to askin'. And of course you'll be the first to try! You can be my advertising manager!

[ THUMBS UP. He just. Assigns random jobs to people as he sees fit. ]

[Action!!!] My face while tagging with you. That's what.

[totallygay]

Ya? I'm pretty good with talking to people and stuff. I won't let ya down!

[Tatsumi gives a salute just before chasing it with some more beer. The more he drinks the more he actually is able to feel the burn of alcohol as it begins to work. It was a nostalgic feeling he hadn't had in quite some time, ever since he had been turned into a werewolf. Drinking was fun again and may be the only good thing to having the chip again]

[Action!!!] I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD BE FLATTERED OR HORRIFIED. horriflattered?

[starspangledhero]

Good!

[ America takes another drink before turning to Tatsumi. ]

Hey, thanks again for having me over. Kinda been a weird night, and I'm definitely feeling better.

[ He reaches out to grab Tatsumi's hand gently. There is music playing in his head at this moment because that's what happens in the movies. And because this is Hetalia, where literally eating the punch line is canon.

His happy little grin falls a bit when he realizes it's that song from The Graduate. FUCK. WRONG ROMANCE MOVIE.

He gives up after he starts hearing Celine Dion. TITANIC HASN'T EVEN BEEN MADE YET. ]

Man I'm having an off day.

[Action!!!] o_o Horriflattered is a good term... *writes this down*

[totallygay]

[Tatsumi gives the nation's hand a reassuring squeeze]

Ya! You look better now too. So, don't mention it. I'm sure you'd do the same if something went down over here. Though, I doubt Toku is going to give me any problems... unless something comes to eat his hamsters.

[He tilts his heads towards the fuzzballs across the room before going for more beer of both the dark and root kinds.]

I had a few of those when I first got here. Broke my nose, even! Ha ha!

[Oh, how he hated being beaten up by not only a old woman, but a BLIND old woman at it! Then turned around and got punched in the eye by a kid.]

[Action!!!] I need to start using it now that I've actually thought of it.

[starspangledhero]

'Course I'd help ya out! That's what dates do! More importantly, that's what heroes do.

[ He offers a wink and a grin. I'm now imagining Tatsumi getting beaten up by the old voodoo woman in Princess and the Frog. Anyway.

America throws a glance to the hamsters across the room. ]

...You ate hamsters?

[Action!!!] AHHHHHHH WHY- HOW ARE THOSE EYES-- W-WHAT!?!

[totallygay]

[Tatsumi blinks back before bursting into laughter]

Ha ha ha! No! I- I meant-

[Ok, give him a few seconds to stop laughing.]

I had a few "off days" when I first got here.

[Action!!!] ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha /breathes

[starspangledhero]

Oh! Ohhhh.

[ America starts laughing himself. Silly him, he should've known that hamsters wouldn't be a substantial meal. They're tinier than burgers! ]

Okay okay, that's understandable! First while is always the worst.

[Action!!!] *CRIIIIES* ... actually, they're going to the shakers in the music im listening to. lmao

[totallygay]

[That and they barely have any blood in them. He'd starve either way. Actually, he is starting to ponder if he should tell America or not.]

Things are turning around for me, I think. Maybe they will for you too, ya?

[Action!!!] they're watching you and your music.

[starspangledhero]

Yeah! Things always get better!

[ THE OPTIMISM IS BACK. ]

[Action!!!] Only going to BREAK BREAK YOUR- BREAK BREAK YOUR EMOTE!

[totallygay]

[He takes another sip from his drinks before sighing, still smiling.]

You know, I should probably tell you before we become good friends and all...

... I'm not human, ya know.

[Action!!!] Only going to BREAK BREAK YOUR- BREAK BREAK YOUR EMOTE!

[starspangledhero]

You're not?

[ America would be more shocked if his daughter wasn't a former empty shell of a human being, if he wasn't up to his eyeballs in troll kids, and if he didn't live with an alien. ]

What are ya then?

[Action!!!]

[totallygay]

A vampire.

[He says it ever so nonchalantly before taking another swig of beer]

1/2 [Action!!!]

[starspangledhero]

[ Blink.

Blink.

Stare. ]

[Action!!!]

[starspangledhero]

COOOOLLLL!