[voice//action for Marshall street apartments]

[starspangledhero]

[ And you thought you were rid of them. Nope. America hath been Mindbroken, which for you means the return of two very special individuals from America's chip event. Both are America's voice. Don't feel like color coding. MAKE DO WITH HORRENDOUS ACCENTS. ]

Someone tell this fuckwit that he ain't allowed ta go inta peoples' homes an' turn everythin' upside down! It's bad enough that he's doin' it ta my land, but do I have ta suffer this blatant invasion of my rights at every turn?!

It's not your home! Don't make me turn your "Alfred" logic bullshit back on you.

Ya can use that excuse fer the war, but ya sure as hell can't use it here, 'cause it ain't yer house!

Well it "ain't yers" either. It's the American embassy, not the "Confederate Den of Inequity"!

Yer face is a Den'f Inequity.

Go back to your drunken gambling you amoral-- where are you going?!

I'm gonna fix what ya've ruined!

[ A door slams. One of the Americas can be heard screaming through the other side of the door. ]

I'LL PUT THEM RIGHT-SIDE UP AGAIN, YOU PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE CUP HANDLER!

[ The other speaks into the communicator. ]

Beg yer pardon, everyone, but this ain't gonna stand. No way am I gonna let anyone here get roaches crawlin' in their cups and spreadin' consumption. Don't let the Yank in yer room.

[ knock knock.

Here comes the Confederacy to turn the cups in your cupboard rim-down. Or is it the Union to turn them rim-up? You might be able to tell because the Reb's missing shoes and looks rather shabby, but then again, if you don't know jack shit about the American civil war, you'll probably be confused. ...Or you're confused anyway. Perfectly acceptable. ]

Comments

action;

[starspangledhero]

Nope! I'm here to make sure your cups are all right and American and not infected with Rebel paranoia!

[ thumbs up! and pushing the door back a bit to invite himself in. ]

action;

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

[p-pushing the door back at him because what he's saying doesn't make any sense and she's not letting him in to possibly throw her china around]

M-my cups? A-as in drinking cups? There's nothing wrong with them...

action;

[starspangledhero]

[ sobbb bumping the door with his shoulder. HINT HINT. ]

Reb could've turned them upside down and everyone in the Russian Empire will be tainted and made a laughing stock by the rest of Europe!

action;

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

[NO GO HOME AMERICA GO HOME]

U-um, America, I know we've talked a-about this before but I just want to remind you that I-I don't live with Brother anymore. A-and besides that, no one's been in the house o-or moving my china. They're still in the sink where I left them.

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[starspangledhero]

[ MY EMBASSY, I DO WHAT I WANTTT ]

What, did he cut ya loose with his peasants or whatever the hell is going on over there? Anyway, you're on my side right? The Confederacy doesn't need another European power supporting him!

And you don't know he hasn't! He's very sneaky. He's probably in your kitchen as we speak.

action;

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

I-I'm not on anyone's side right now, a-although I'll be happy to contribute to a-any peacekeeping forces you need as usual.

[NEUTRAL ZONE NEUTRAL ZONE sob she instinctively turns her head to look at the kitchen, if America aims a good shove now he could probably get in] Um, I-I really don't think...

action;

[starspangledhero]

I don't need peacekeeping, I need support. Warships, guns, giving Reb the middle finger, anything!

[ Well he does kick the door open. He doesn't immediately run for the kitchen, but just trods in. Yank's not as chivalrous but hey, at least he's not barging around like a clumsy bull. ]

action;

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

[oof, she wasn't expecting that and falls on her butt. she blinks for a few seconds in shock before getting up again]

I-I don't have a policy o-of being involved in other people's wars a-anymore. D-did you have to do that...?

action;

[starspangledhero]

Support me: think about it. I'm gonna go fix your cups now!

[ AT LEAST HE'S GIVING WARNING. and now making his way to the kitchen. ]

action;

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

P-please don't break them-!

[not quite following in case he decides to start throwing things. America will find all of Ukraine's cups lying in the sink on their sides NEITHER FACE UP OR DOWN]

action;

[starspangledhero]

I'm not here to break them, don't worry.

[ luckily he's not going to and isn't quite clumsy enough to drop them everywhere. ]

Are these clean?

action;

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

N-no, they're not! I-I was going to do the dishes when you knocked. [SHE HAS NO FAITH IN THAT]

action;

[starspangledhero]

I can help with that!

[ Then the strangest thing happens: America starts cleaning the cups and putting them away. Upright, of course. And they're still dripping wet when he puts them away but whatever HE'S HELPING. ]

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[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

[w-what. what is going on even. Ukraine opens her mouth to say something, then closes it again.

rinse, repeat.]

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

I-I think I need to sit down...

[starspangledhero]

[ He remains blissfully ignorant of Ukraine's reaction until he finishes. Once all the cups are away, he slams the cupboard shut and fist pumps the air. ]

Yeah! Take that, hick! Confederacy, 1, Union, infinity.

[ Finally turning to face Ukraine. ]

Don't let him anywhere this place. It has to remain untainted and a symbol for all that is good and American!

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

[her head is in her hands. America's enough of a problem when he's relatively sane]

This i-is a symbol of things Ukrainian, I-I don't think whoever he is can do a-anything to it...

[starspangledhero]

Nope, all things American. Unity, freedom, a complete unconcern for cockroaches... hey, do you have any food here?

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

But I-I'm not American. Um, y-yes? I-in the cabinets.

[starspangledhero]

Awesome, I'm starving!

[ HURRY UKRAINE, BEFORE HE EATS YOU OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME ]

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

[OH FUCK NO YOU DON'T SUDDENLY THERE IS A HAND GRASPING YOURS. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN UKRAINE LOOK THIS SERIOUS, NO I DON'T THINK SO]

Um, p-please don't touch it.

[starspangledhero]

[ this. face. and totally freezing because normally he'd be irritated/violent/sad that someone is defying him, but honestly this is probably the most contact he's gotten from the opposite sex in decades. well, time of the civil war, whatever. ]

Uhhhhhhhhh. Can I. Have some food? Please? I'm hungry? I'm hungry. Food.

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

[oh America you poor lonely heart]

Yes, but I-I'll get it for you. You can sit down a-at the table and wait.

[starspangledhero]

...Okay.

[ What am females. America very, very slowly and awkwardly dislodges his hand and takes a seat.

He looks a little bewildered.

Might just be registering that Ukraine is a girl for the first time.

WAY TO BE AWKWARD, AMERICA. Luckily, the desire for food outweighs any focus on Ukraine's chest. FEED ME, SEYMOUR. ]

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

[YES AMERICA, YOU ARE ALONE IN AN AMPLY-CHESTED WOMAN'S APARTMENT. GOOD DEDUCTION SKILLS.

but Ukraine is very good at feeding growing boys/alien plants, so pretty soon she comes back out holding a plate of that hearty warm food you always hallucinate when you're dying in the Arctic]

Here you go! Let me know i-if that's enough, ok?