[voice//action for Marshall street apartments]

[starspangledhero]

[ And you thought you were rid of them. Nope. America hath been Mindbroken, which for you means the return of two very special individuals from America's chip event. Both are America's voice. Don't feel like color coding. MAKE DO WITH HORRENDOUS ACCENTS. ]

Someone tell this fuckwit that he ain't allowed ta go inta peoples' homes an' turn everythin' upside down! It's bad enough that he's doin' it ta my land, but do I have ta suffer this blatant invasion of my rights at every turn?!

It's not your home! Don't make me turn your "Alfred" logic bullshit back on you.

Ya can use that excuse fer the war, but ya sure as hell can't use it here, 'cause it ain't yer house!

Well it "ain't yers" either. It's the American embassy, not the "Confederate Den of Inequity"!

Yer face is a Den'f Inequity.

Go back to your drunken gambling you amoral-- where are you going?!

I'm gonna fix what ya've ruined!

[ A door slams. One of the Americas can be heard screaming through the other side of the door. ]

I'LL PUT THEM RIGHT-SIDE UP AGAIN, YOU PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE CUP HANDLER!

[ The other speaks into the communicator. ]

Beg yer pardon, everyone, but this ain't gonna stand. No way am I gonna let anyone here get roaches crawlin' in their cups and spreadin' consumption. Don't let the Yank in yer room.

[ knock knock.

Here comes the Confederacy to turn the cups in your cupboard rim-down. Or is it the Union to turn them rim-up? You might be able to tell because the Reb's missing shoes and looks rather shabby, but then again, if you don't know jack shit about the American civil war, you'll probably be confused. ...Or you're confused anyway. Perfectly acceptable. ]

Comments

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

Months, really? I-I'd be happy to, a-although it won't be hot things a-as often as this.

[that's too bad because mysterious baskets of good food will still be showing up on your doorstep. DING DONG DITCH ANYBODY]

[starspangledhero]

Hey, anything that isn't salted beyond taste, doesn't stink, or has bugs in it is okay in my book!

[ sob he just has to make sure it's not GHOSTS giving him food. but he'll eat it anyway ;w; ]

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

[she giggles] I-I don't have e-enough salt to do that even if I wanted to.

[such wonderful survival skills he has.]

[starspangledhero]

Don't think you really need to with all the technology around here for preserving food.

[ how anyone survived the 19th century is beyond me. ]

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

No, a-although some of the things a-aren't working at the moment. Still, i-it's nice to have it for flavoring.

[obviously they had to be manly enough to PUNCH DISEASE IN THE FACE. even the women.]

[starspangledhero]

Yeah, but I think I've had enough to last me the decade. And... don't tell Reb I said it, but I'll admit, for flavoring? Cajun food has the best spices.

[ especially the women. spinal tap? THERE AIN'T NO SPINAL TAP, BITE SOME LEATHER HAVE YOUR DAMN BABY. ]

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

I-it can get unpleasant with overuse, yes. I-I don't think I've ever had that! I-is it good?

[not that the spinal tap is much better, holy shit those needles are terrifying. BUT YES, JUST SUCK IT UP AND GIVE BIRTH ALREADY and then you can punch the baby in the face too.]

[starspangledhero]

It's the only thing he's done right. I'd suggest you ask for some, but he'd probably poison it or something.

[ I would rather be numb to the world and drugged up than painnn ]

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

Um, I-I think I'll just wait u-until we get home. It would be e-easier that way a-anyway.

[from the stories my mother has told me about childbirth, both ways ends in horrendous pain and misery]

[starspangledhero]

That works too. Hey, if you ever stop by in the north, I've got good food too! Philly cheese steaks... uh... lots of good stuff!

[ sobbbb well at least we don't have to deliver in the backs of wagons now. ]

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

I-I've been to New York City! I-I had, um, hot dogs. A-apparently they're famous hot dogs?

[true, true. and surgeons wash their hands in between birthings.]

[starspangledhero]

Yup! New York is the greatest! Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. City of dreams, I'm tellin' ya.

[ and after cutting someone's leg off ewwwwwww ]

[dewinthesun.livejournal.com]

Mm, i-it's really beautiful. A-and fast. And loud. And busy...

[oh my god don't even remind me aaaaah battlefield surgeons]