( text; ) Karkat is the one that fell down a hole this time

[starspangledhero]

OKAY SO YOU GUYS KNOW HOW EVERYONE GOT COOL STUFF AFTER THE THOUGHT FISHIES WENT AWAY AND I HAD TO PUNCH A SHARK AND HOW I GOT A MUSTANG (LIKE THE ACTUAL HORSE NOT THE CAR)??? WELL I DID! BUT IT WAS WILD SO I HAD TO BREAK IT IN. AND I FINALLY MANAGED IT WITH ONLY A COUPLE KICKS TO THE EVERYTHING.

CAN'T USE SHIFT CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE I BROKE MY HAND CLEANING HIS HOOVES. TYPING WITH THE OTHER.

OH AND I GOT SOME COOL OUTFITS TOO! I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL OF THEM ARE BUT ONE HAS A WHIP AND A HAT AND ANOTHER LOOKS LIKE A POLICE UNIFORM AND A SPOOKY ONE AND A COUPLE OTHERS. I LOOK REALLY GOOD IN THEM!

GUYS MY HAND LOOKS REALLY GROSS LOOK AT THIS:

HOLD ON I'M HAVING TROUBLE TURNING ON VID

( video; english )

--oh, there we go!

[ America grins, then turns the video to his hand. It's swollen, one of the fingers is blackened, and the nail has fallen off. He has to show everyone his gross injuries always. He turns it back to himself; he's wearing his Indiana Jones outfit, minus the hat. ]

Sick, right? I'm gonna splint it up and stuff, so hopefully it won't take too long to heal! And then I can get to work making a saddle to fit him and Namine's pony! The plains should be thawed enough to graze them this spring. Man, I'm excited to finally get to ride again!

And if anyone has some pain meds or anything, that'd be cool.

[ America gives a thumbs up with his non-broken hand before shutting off the video. ]

Comments

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[HE POINTS IT AT AMERICA'S HEAD.]

[starspangledhero]

[ He stares for a moment. And he does indeed drop Eridan!

Except, in under a second, he draws a pistol and fires it so close to Eridan's head that he probably felt the air whoosh by.

.6 SECOND QUICK DRAW, BABY.

And America just grins. ]

You gotta be faster than that.

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[Eridan shuts up when the bullet whooshes by his head. Oh god, he's going to die by the hands of another country. Oh god oh god ALL THE COUNTRIES ARE CRAZY. Except Holland. Holland's cool cause he built a boat.

if Eridan was two sweeps old, he would maybe have peed his pants.]

[starspangledhero]

No I'm not!

[ He keeps on grinning (like a lunatic, obviously) and holsters the gun casually. ]

This mean I win, or do I gotta pistol whip you? 'Cause I can do that really fast too!

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[but ERIDAN, not willing to back down, raises his rifle from off the ground, aims at America's foot and holds the trigger]

[starspangledhero]

[ OW GODDAMN IT AS IF THE HURT HAND WASN'T BAD ENOUGH.

THAT'S IT.

YOU'RE GETTING PISTOL WHIPPED. ]

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[Eridan is just using his gun to defend himself]

[starspangledhero]

[ if America was using his full strength, or even normal human strength, Eridan's skull would probably cave in. luckily America has never been fond of hurting kids.

even if the kids are little assholes who completely deserve it.

still, Eridan needs to learn a lesson, and that is YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE HEGEMON. America holsters his gun again quickly and grabs the barrel of Eridan's gun, pointing it towards the ceiling. good luck trying to remove it from his ridiculous grip. ]

Will you cut that out?! I told ya, I don't like beating up kids!

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[Wow, America. It's a damn good thing Eridan doesn't know that you're Namine's 'lusus' or else, you would have a bigger problem on your hands. He just, stands up and gives you the crankiest glare yet, gills flared up with anger.]

[starspangledhero]

[ AMERICA IS IMMUNE TO YOUR BRITISH GLARE AND VIOLENCE, ERIDAN. HE HAS ENDURED IT FOR CENTURIES. and how long do you think it will take for him to find out America is her lusus. ]

No, you obviously aren't old enough to be responsible with this!

[ Now yanking the gun up in the air. Eridan is free to hold on for dear life, but he'll be hoisted up along with it. ]

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[Eridan is hanging on for dear life. Because no, he is old enough to be trusted with a potentionally dangerous weapon. So he will just dangle there like a fish caught on a hook]



[It'll probably take him too long to even figure out.]

[starspangledhero]

No way! You'll shoot your eye out or something! Or mine! And that's even worse! So you're not getting this back until you calm down!

[ attempting to shake Eridan off. ]

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[Nope, he is not letting go. He is stuck to the gun like macaroni and glue. He will not be shaken off of his possessions. He will hold dear to them.]

[starspangledhero]

Your gun is kinda shitty, man. I've got way better guns.

[ SHAKING LIKE A BABBY. ]

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[whups. there goes the babby across the floor.]

[starspangledhero]

[ America would feel bad if he hadn't been SHOT IN THE FOOT. He hobbles over to where Eridan is, still holding the gun out of reach. ]

That's stupid. What good is a gun if it's a piece of shit?

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[He stands up and glares at America still, eyeing his gun for the opportunity to snatch it away from the douchebag country.]

[starspangledhero]

[ That was not the correct thing to say to him. ]

WHY WOULD YOU EVER SLAY A WHALE THEY'RE MY FRIENDS!!!

[ He remains ignorant about the whaling industry. Anyway, in light of these new events, he's going to just throw the gun carelessly over his shoulder, pick Eridan up by the shoulders, and shake him even harder.

shake the babby troll. ]

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[Eridan is just being shaken like a babby and trying to wrench away from America. Mostly because this is kind of violent shaking. WTF America y u do this?]

[starspangledhero]

WHAT DID WHALES EVER DO TO YOU?!

[ he's semi on the verge of hysterics. if Eridan isn't nauseous by now, he sure will be soon. ]

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[Hey, America. I hope those shoes aren't expensive or nice or anything.

Because you now have a troll kid puking 1/12th of a rainbow on your shoes. DO YOU ENJOY THE SHADE OF PURPLE? you look nice wearing purple America...]

[starspangledhero]

[ No they were actually pretty shitty sneakers, but now they have troll vomit slowly seeping into them.

He stops shaking at that.

And just stares at Eridan while making a face. ]

Oh, gross.

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[You know how Balloon Boy vomited on national tv and the dad was just like "UGH" i imagine Eridan is balloon boy right now and America is his dad.]

[starspangledhero]

[ I just youtubed it. That poor kid 8(

America finally sets Eridan down. Here is the point where he should be a good daddy and help out the kid.

WATCH HOW HE DOESN'T DO THAT. ]

Ewwww you got barf in my shoes! Ugh, this is so nasty, I can feel it seeping in!

[ Immediately kicking off his shoes in disgust. ]

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[Worst. Parent. Ever. 8(

That goes for you too America.]



[Eridan wipes the corner of his mouth clean from purple saliva. God how he hates these fuckass countries. They stab him, make him throw up, and threaten to brain wash him. One of these days he will reign over discedo and start a country racing club. This one's name is beef-a-roni, this one is named sandwich, america is named good ole' loser.]