starspangledhero | ( text; ) Karkat is the one that fell down a hole this time

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!discedo

( text; ) Karkat is the one that fell down a hole this time

OKAY SO YOU GUYS KNOW HOW EVERYONE GOT COOL STUFF AFTER THE THOUGHT FISHIES WENT AWAY AND I HAD TO PUNCH A SHARK AND HOW I GOT A MUSTANG (LIKE THE ACTUAL HORSE NOT THE CAR)??? WELL I DID! BUT IT WAS WILD SO I HAD TO BREAK IT IN. AND I FINALLY MANAGED IT WITH ONLY A COUPLE KICKS TO THE EVERYTHING.

CAN'T USE SHIFT CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE I BROKE MY HAND CLEANING HIS HOOVES. TYPING WITH THE OTHER.

OH AND I GOT SOME COOL OUTFITS TOO! I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL OF THEM ARE BUT ONE HAS A WHIP AND A HAT AND ANOTHER LOOKS LIKE A POLICE UNIFORM AND A SPOOKY ONE AND A COUPLE OTHERS. I LOOK REALLY GOOD IN THEM!

GUYS MY HAND LOOKS REALLY GROSS LOOK AT THIS:

HOLD ON I'M HAVING TROUBLE TURNING ON VID

( video; english )

--oh, there we go!

[ America grins, then turns the video to his hand. It's swollen, one of the fingers is blackened, and the nail has fallen off. He has to show everyone his gross injuries always. He turns it back to himself; he's wearing his Indiana Jones outfit, minus the hat. ]

Sick, right? I'm gonna splint it up and stuff, so hopefully it won't take too long to heal! And then I can get to work making a saddle to fit him and Namine's pony! The plains should be thawed enough to graze them this spring. Man, I'm excited to finally get to ride again!

And if anyone has some pain meds or anything, that'd be cool.

[ America gives a thumbs up with his non-broken hand before shutting off the video. ]

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[You know how Balloon Boy vomited on national tv and the dad was just like "UGH" i imagine Eridan is balloon boy right now and America is his dad.]

[ I just youtubed it. That poor kid 8(

America finally sets Eridan down. Here is the point where he should be a good daddy and help out the kid.

WATCH HOW HE DOESN'T DO THAT. ]

Ewwww you got barf in my shoes! Ugh, this is so nasty, I can feel it seeping in!

[ Immediately kicking off his shoes in disgust. ]

[Worst. Parent. Ever. 8(

That goes for you too America.]

[Eridan wipes the corner of his mouth clean from purple saliva. God how he hates these fuckass countries. They stab him, make him throw up, and threaten to brain wash him. One of these days he will reign over discedo and start a country racing club. This one's name is beef-a-roni, this one is named sandwich, america is named good ole' loser.]

[ You're not his kid or citizen he has no obligation towards you. Wait, no, he lives in the embassy. SLIGHT OBLIGATION.

But he'll take care of Eridan once he tosses his vomit-filled shoes in the shower to wash off. Calling over his shoulder while he does that: ]

It's your fault for being such a cranky jerk who hates whales!

[ And once the water's on and the majority is washed off down the drain, America reappears.

He is frowning.

But bluhhh kid in his embassy HE ALREADY SHOT AT HIM MAYBE HE SHOULD. YOU KNOW. TRY TO BE NICE. ...Sorta. ]

You suck, but I guess I gotta take care of you since you live in my building and you're a kid with anger issues, huh? Want some water or like... tea? I dumped a bunch in the harbor once and you've got weird gills, so you've gotta like tea.

[ PERFECT

LOGIC. ]

[He's so nice. Eridan is the nicest kid]

[ someone should really just adopt the trolls and try to civilize them. there are almost 12 of them cramed into one room. It can't be that hard to find owners. Just put a sign out their door that says "free kid" I am sure they will be taken care of by the dozen.]

Well I do too but suck it up because ya ain't gettin' any of my coffee!

[ So nice.

America goes to get him a glass of water before responding. ]

Japan makes pretty good food. The warm stuff is the best, though.

[ America would have dibs on Nepeta and Aradia. Maybe Equius, since he likes horses. And Gamzee since Nepeta compared him to Gamzee.

BASICALLY ERIDAN WILL BE LEFT ALONE. ]

[wtf you can't adopt four trolls. what will the eight think? They will feel left out and cry 8( ]

[ Japan can take some, and maybe Belgium and the others. Eridan will be left with Denmark 8)))))) ]

Not even burgers?!

[NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO]

[ IT'S STORY TIME, ERIDAN. ]

It's like a sandwich but a hundred times better! It's beef and condiments and grease and capitalism and it tastes like FREEDOM!

[ OH GOG NO NOT THE STORIES AGHHHH THEY'RE IN MY BRAIN THEY'RE IN MY BRAINNNN AGHHHHGAHHHHHDSGI]

[ WHAT'S IN THE BAG? A SHARK? ]

Then you haven't tasted a burger.

Edited 2011-03-22 01:27 (UTC)

Of course it exists! I'm proof of it! There's a reason people call me the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave!

You must've just grown up in like, Troll Russia or something. That's why you'd have no idea what freedom is and why you're so damn cranky. I'd be pissed too if I grew up in a wasteland like that.

[He takes a nervous sip from his water. Just in case it's poisoned or something. YOU CAN NEVER TELL WITH THESE COUNTRIES.]

Nope, freedom! You're just Troll Russian so you don't understand! Commie. You'd better not have shot me with the communist virus with your gun or I'm gonna have to really take action.

[ He mutters darkly through his commie rant, but perks right back up once he's done. THE WATER IS FINE. YOU'RE JUST LEFT WITH A SUPER POWER WHO IS NOW SUSPICIOUS THAT YOU MAY BE HARBORING RED TENDENCIES. ]

[He doesn't notice, he just. Drinks his water like it's nobody's buisness.]

It is the worst thing ya can ever be. Ever.

[ Since it looks like the kid is no longer on his murder spree, America relaxes enough to lean against the arm of his couch. ]

Magic isn't real. Superpowers and supernatural events are, but those aren't like the stupid magic England uses with wands and stuff.

[ Just. Blank stare.

What the hell is this troll talking about. Namine doesn't use magic, she just manipulates peoples' memories. TOTALLY DIFFERENT. ]

Namine's my kid. What d'ya want with her?

Lusus? Oh! Like the animal things! Nepeta told me about that! I guess so, since I'm not a human and I'm her guardian!

[ Oh wait, processing the rest of that, and not liking it too much. ]

No way, you're the rude one! You shot me in the foot and then you puked on it! And I'm pretty sure ya can't teach people superpowers.

It's superpowers! I know, because I'm a hero, so if she's mine, she's got superpowers.

Anyway, if magic's fake, why d'ya think she's using it?

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