starspangledhero | ( text; ) Karkat is the one that fell down a hole this time

OKAY SO YOU GUYS KNOW HOW EVERYONE GOT COOL STUFF AFTER THE THOUGHT FISHIES WENT AWAY AND I HAD TO PUNCH A SHARK AND HOW I GOT A MUSTANG (LIKE THE ACTUAL HORSE NOT THE CAR)??? WELL I DID! BUT IT WAS WILD SO I HAD TO BREAK IT IN. AND I FINALLY MANAGED IT WITH ONLY A COUPLE KICKS TO THE EVERYTHING.

CAN'T USE SHIFT CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE I BROKE MY HAND CLEANING HIS HOOVES. TYPING WITH THE OTHER.

OH AND I GOT SOME COOL OUTFITS TOO! I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL OF THEM ARE BUT ONE HAS A WHIP AND A HAT AND ANOTHER LOOKS LIKE A POLICE UNIFORM AND A SPOOKY ONE AND A COUPLE OTHERS. I LOOK REALLY GOOD IN THEM!

GUYS MY HAND LOOKS REALLY GROSS LOOK AT THIS:

HOLD ON I'M HAVING TROUBLE TURNING ON VID

( video; english )

--oh, there we go!

[ America grins, then turns the video to his hand. It's swollen, one of the fingers is blackened, and the nail has fallen off. He has to show everyone his gross injuries always. He turns it back to himself; he's wearing his Indiana Jones outfit, minus the hat. ]

Sick, right? I'm gonna splint it up and stuff, so hopefully it won't take too long to heal! And then I can get to work making a saddle to fit him and Namine's pony! The plains should be thawed enough to graze them this spring. Man, I'm excited to finally get to ride again!

And if anyone has some pain meds or anything, that'd be cool.

[ America gives a thumbs up with his non-broken hand before shutting off the video. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Just. Blank stare.

What the hell is this troll talking about. Namine doesn't use magic, she just manipulates peoples' memories. TOTALLY DIFFERENT. ]

Namine's my kid. What d'ya want with her?

Lusus? Oh! Like the animal things! Nepeta told me about that! I guess so, since I'm not a human and I'm her guardian!

[ Oh wait, processing the rest of that, and not liking it too much. ]

No way, you're the rude one! You shot me in the foot and then you puked on it! And I'm pretty sure ya can't teach people superpowers.

It's superpowers! I know, because I'm a hero, so if she's mine, she's got superpowers.

Anyway, if magic's fake, why d'ya think she's using it?

Actually I don't! Not unless it affects me and mine!

[ grin. ]

And I dunno what a kismesis is!

Edited 2011-03-22 23:17 (UTC)

...Yeah I don't get it. Only thing I got outta that is that you gotta hate someone a whole lot. But I don't think Namine can really hate anyone. She's real sweet like that. She even liked Russia. That's like staring into a black hole, seeing Hell at its very core, and saying "hmmm that's not SO bad."

The only time I've ever even seen her angry is when I get hurt after she told me not to!

Dude what.

So you want her to hate you.

Even though she doesn't really hate people.

So basically you're trying for something that won't happen.

Trying to make someone hate you just because.

You're weird.

[ just.

what. ]

Man this gives Free Love a whole new level. Why do you need two-- no wait, never mind, Nepeta tried to explain your bizarre reproductive system. Humans are just so much more straight forward!

So wait, you need her hate or else you're gonna die a troll virgin?

...Dude, have you even hit puberty?

[ See, this would be awkward if America wasn't... America. And if he knew how things worked. THANK GOD GERMANY HELPED CLARIFY HOW HUMAN REPRODUCTION WORKS. ]

Sexual maturity. You guys reproduce, so you gotta go through puberty, right? Okay, so you're a guy, right?

[ He pauses a moment, looking at Eridan as though he needs confirmation for this fact. ]

It's when your voice gets lower and you start getting hair on places other than your head and you get random boners and other stuff.

...Fill pails. Right.

I mean, boys and girls have different parts, so different stuff happens to their bodies. At least for humans. Hell if I know about trolls. I don't care that you live in my embassy, I'm not going on tampon runs for you. Especially since half the stuff here is in Japanese and I have no idea what Namine means when she says she needs regular. Why doesn't super work? She's super, so she should have super girly stuff. If anyone deserves regular, it's you.

[ Finally snapping out of his mini-rant to to back to staring at Eridan. ]

Okay, let's start with the basics:

[ He falls back onto the couch casually, still staring at Eri. His legs dangle off of the arm, where he swings them idly. ]

Do you have a dick?

DO YOU HAVE A PENIS? IS THERE A POLE OR A HOLE BETWEEN YOUR LEGS?

It makes all the difference!

[ talking louder means people understand you better. flawless logic. ]

[wow america the neighbors are going to hear that and think youre doing inappropriate things. Anyways Eridan just gets flustered and turns purple in the face.]

[Wait, this sounds oddly familiar like a movie we all know. HMMMMMMMMM.]

[ He fucks a vampire, wanders around naked, and shares a bed with a 17 year old girl. I'M SURE THE NEIGHBORS ALREADY THINK HE'S A DEVIANT.

As it is, he doesn't really react. He'll ask about the purple later. ]

I'm gonna guess that's troll for "yeah, I have a cock." Which is better for me to explain, because all I know about girls is that they grow boobs, then they bleed and get bitchy once a month.

Oh and by the way, if your chest starts hurting, don't worry, you're not growing boobs. Apparently guys have glands too. Took me centuries to figure it out. When it happened to me, no one explained it, so I sat around crying because I thought I was turning into a girl.

Anyway, if your uh, "bone bulge" get hard randomly and you start getting wet dreams, you've probably hit puberty.

You're the fuckass, Vomiting Troll McCrankypants. And wet dreams don't have to do with water. You dream about a sexy girl--guy, bucket, whatever the hell you're into--and you come in your sleep.

[ He shrugs, propping up his hurt foot on the arm of the couch. Injury loves this poor guy. ]

All I'm saying is I'm preeeettttty sure she's into older guys, and even if you're a douchebag and apparently she likes that sort of thing [cough RIKU REPLICA cough bitterness ] like I said, she doesn't have a whole lot of hate in her heart.

Sorry you're gonna die a virgin, man.

[ Looking on at poor Eridan with pity. ]

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