✪ A M E R I C A ✪ (Alfred F. Jones) ✪ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
starspangledhero) wrote2011-01-18 11:48 pm
starspangledhero) wrote2011-01-18 11:48 pm
Entry tags:
( video ) America: Greet the new arrival to the embassy
[ America pops up, all smiles as usual. The camera shakes a bit as he moves up the stairs to his apartment. ]
Yeesh, usually I check in more than this, but you know how it goes: busy taking down vicious beasts, throwing birthday parties, saving the city, the usual! Ah, hold on...
[ He fumbles in his pocket for a key, opening his door... ]
So earlier I had this really good idea for-!
[ This is promptly cut off by a scream. It is the scream of someone who is now witnessing their precious pet dog(dragonwolfmonsterhellbeast) being eviscerated and eaten. Actually, here, have a quick view of the scene while America presses himself against the wall: ...why, it's only Nepeta enjoying a meal consisting of monster meat! What's so terrible about that?
Fucking everything, damn it. That blood splatter on the floor was his pet. How would you feel if someone ate your dog? Not too hot. Even if the creature eating your pet happens to be a cute little troll girl who, at the moment, looks a bit like a pet who just got caught doing something they shouldn't. The irony of this situation continues to mount. ]
PUPPY, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! OHMYGOD IT'S EATING MY DOG!
[ Cue more incoherent screaming as he grapples for his shotgun. Amidst his struggling, the communicator switches off.
If you are in Marshall, you can probably hear his screaming. ]
Yeesh, usually I check in more than this, but you know how it goes: busy taking down vicious beasts, throwing birthday parties, saving the city, the usual! Ah, hold on...
[ He fumbles in his pocket for a key, opening his door... ]
So earlier I had this really good idea for-!
[ This is promptly cut off by a scream. It is the scream of someone who is now witnessing their precious pet dog(dragonwolfmonsterhellbeast) being eviscerated and eaten. Actually, here, have a quick view of the scene while America presses himself against the wall: ...why, it's only Nepeta enjoying a meal consisting of monster meat! What's so terrible about that?
Fucking everything, damn it. That blood splatter on the floor was his pet. How would you feel if someone ate your dog? Not too hot. Even if the creature eating your pet happens to be a cute little troll girl who, at the moment, looks a bit like a pet who just got caught doing something they shouldn't. The irony of this situation continues to mount. ]
PUPPY, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! OHMYGOD IT'S EATING MY DOG!
[ Cue more incoherent screaming as he grapples for his shotgun. Amidst his struggling, the communicator switches off.
If you are in Marshall, you can probably hear his screaming. ]
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All you wanted to do was head back to apartment and relax with your devoted daughter who clearly idolizes her streetwise maverick of a dad and your faithful hellbeast, Puppy. But no. Look at this place. There's blood and guts everywhere. You have brief flashbacks of the time you yourself were disemboweled and eaten alive in this apartment, by a demon that looked like your brother no less. Fuck your life is interesting.
Clearly, this is a curse brought on by the Rail Tracer. You will investigate this fully later.
Oh, right. You have a kid living here. You can't blow up this... whatever this thing is yet. There are questions unanswered.
America: Cock shotgun in a threatening manner.
WHERE'S NAMINE?!
===>
god you people
A-America, what's going-- OH MY GOD.
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Look to icon to see just about how this appears to America.
===>
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You breathe a sigh of relief once you see your loving daughter staring in terror from the doorway. She's safe. For reasons beyond your comprehension, you want to reunite with her by offering a dirty stuffed bunny. It must be the... whatever hormone follows the fight-or-flight rush of epinephrine. Dopamine? Fuck if I remember.
Now that your daughter is safe you might just calm dowohmygod is that an eye skewered on her claws.
Holy shit it is.
Holy shit this is like something out of a horror movie.
You don't drop the gun, but at least you're not as inclined to shoot her as before.
America: Kindly ask the strange girl for her name.
WHY ARE YOU IN MY APARTMENT EATING MY DOG?!
Close enough.
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W-Who are you and why did you EAT THAT?!
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===>
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You do so. You'd do a Facepalm Combo x2 but you're still holding the gun. On the bright side, it doesn't seem to be the case that you're in immediate risk of being eaten, so you let your gun-holding hand drop to your side. You don't let go though. You never let go. There's a comfort in the fact that you can quick draw in .6 seconds. You could probably have a shotgun blast in almost a second.
God you're awesome.
The grief will set in once you're done dealing with this clusterfuck of a situation.
America: cHiLl ThE fUcK oUt.
That's too easy. You're the USA and there is someone in your apartment eating your dog, damn it. And your daughter is still vaguely at risk! Better take this opportunity to make your way over to her and pull her snuggly against your side.
SHE WILL BE SAFE IN ARKANSAS. Or whatever the fuck your side is supposed to represent.
America: Continue interrogation.
YOU WERE HUNGRY AND YOU DECIDED TO BREAK INTO MY APARTMENT AND EAT MY PET?!
I said "cHiLl ThE fUcK oUt" you asshole.
Sigh. Fine.
Okay. Okay. Who are you and are you going to try to eat us too?
===>
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I... I don't know if... why is the eyeball there...
I-I don't think it eats people. Er. W-What's your name, anyway?
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==>
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That was so revolting on both a physical and an emotional level that it didn't even warrant a command.
But despite this horrifying display, and despite the fact that she is covered in your beloved pet's blood, she seems genuinely sorry. And she's begging for her life, apparently. That's actually a little sad.
America: Stop being such a gosh darned fuckass.
You release your death grip on your daughter, leaving your hand pressed gently against her back. No doubt she is immediately rejoicing at the loss of contact with your odious mass.
I-I'm not gonna kill ya! Not unless you try and kill us first! But, uh, if you're not, then you don't have to worry about that!
===>
The grief is starting to set in. Tears gather in your eyes at the sight of your beloved hellbeast slain and... all over your apart holy crap.
You've lost humans much dearer to you, some in recent years, that have caused you much more grief and torment than a stupid dog creature. Still, it's the sudden loss combined with the drop in adrenaline that's going to have a huge toll on you. At least temporarily. You will undoubtedly be over it within two days.
Puppy...
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==>
You're beginning to think that perhaps this beast was the boy-human's lusus. It certainly didn't look like one, but maybe they were different for people here? He seems to be awfully upset. You kind of upset too when Pounce died.
If your horn were actually ears, they probably would be drooping. You stand and play with your fingers.
Nepeta: Apologize for real this time.
You begin to surreptitiously lick the gore off of your hands as he mourns over his fallen beast. It is actually not very surreptitious at all.
==>
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Culture clashes sure are weird!
America: Swallow emotions like a man for two damn seconds.
It's alright. I mean, I can see how ya'd think that, and if she was just a regular monster I would've appreciated it. I'll be okay.
===>
You still seem pretty upset about the loss of your
lususpet, but flipping out isn't going to help anyone. Really, you're just kinda drained by this point.Silence falls.
This is awkward.
America: Break uncomfortable silence.
So, uh. I'm guessing you're new. Otherwise you woulda known about Puppy... what are you, anyway?
You have failed in this endeavor. It is still awkward and there is nothing you can do to fix it. All there is left to do is keep talking in hopes that you'll forget how awkward this conversation is.
===>
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You endeavor to make this clear to him with explanatory hand gestures.
Those are the biggest differences you can think of. Still very unhelpful.
==>
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Well... then I suppose you're not too different. This was all just a misunderstanding.
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Not too different? Does Namine think people hatch out of eggs? You were going to wait to give her that whole "birds and the bees" talk until she got a boyfriend, but there are a few misconceptions you'll have to clear up.
She is undoubtedly eager to receive your extensive knowledge on sex and will not be horrified at all when you demonstrate how to put on a condom using a phallic object.
America: Try to understand cultural differences.
You fail miserably at this. This comes as a surprise to absolutely no one. Not even yourself.
You... hatch from eggs... and are a troll... cat girl... who eats animals. Huh. Okay then. That's weird.
America: Point out the bright side to the situation.
Well, I mean. You kinda ate my dog and I'm gonna bawl again as soon as I process all this, but yeah. It does seem to be a misunderstanding. Guess I don't have to shoot you now!
You think that you are largely successful in pointing out the bright side to the situation. However, it is no longer simply an awkward conversation shuffle. It has evolved into a full fucking dance. Not even slow dancing, this is an all-out Dirty Dancing equivalent to how the awkwardness of this conversation is progressing.
That analogy made no sense and yet I fail to care.