[voice; english] so sleepy will do tags in the morning

[starspangledhero]

[ Yes. It's that time. And probably the last post before he's back to normal. ]

ALLIED FORCES, ASSEMBLE!

Americans, Britman, Frenchman, Ruskies, Chinamen, Poles, Canadians... crap who else is allied with me. Anyone who isn't in the Axis Powers or neutral (which is just another word for pansies)! I've come to a disturbing conclusion:

There are a whole bunch of Japanese people here. Which is basically my problem, and China's since I have to rescue him from Japan's shenanigans. Due to Australia's absence though, you guys have to be my back-up!

Don't worry though, I haven't forgotten about Germany. I've got my eyes and guns trained on him too. He'll surrender soon enough! In the mean time, I'm gonna go spy on the Japanese. I'll disguise myself as a German. No one will recognize me. Not even you guys. But I'll give y'all a secret signal that says I'm me! Don't worry, I won't make the same mistake again.

...For the record, that salute thing he does is not an invitation for a hi-five.

Wish me luck!

[ Now he's off to go stare at people with a pair of binoculars with his hair slicked back and dressed in green. He is not a subtle spy. If you speak Japanese, Italian, or German, be warned. He is stalking you. And I will totes do stalking things once I've slept. ]

Comments

[starspangledhero]

I want 'em!

[mygodmyright.livejournal.com]

I just bought them, you stupid bastard. They're no longer yours.

[starspangledhero]

What.




What. When did I sell them to you?!

[mygodmyright.livejournal.com]

About five minutes ago. You're obligated to assist me in wartime, and I've already promised to pay you back once this is all over.

[starspangledhero]

I did?














Fine. But you'd better pay me back with another pair of binoculars!

[ He's never getting them back is he. ]

[mygodmyright.livejournal.com]

Don't get me wrong, I'm only buying these because I've misplaced my personal pair.

[ never. maybe now America will stop his peeping tom business ]

... I'll make you dinner.

[starspangledhero]

Yeah, well, mine are better, so it's a good deal for you.

[ no then he'll just upgrade to satellites. or worse, he'll make mimic-binoculars with his hands. ]

...Not scones.

[mygodmyright.livejournal.com]

Dinner, prat. Scones are for breakfast and high tea.

[ ... ] Shepard's pie or curry?

[ YES HE'S ALREADY PLANNING ]

[starspangledhero]

Pie.

[ sob his poor stomach ]

[mygodmyright.livejournal.com]

Brilliant.

[ YOU LOVE IT AMERICA DON'T LIE ]

It takes quite a bit of effort to bake one, so you better not go and die before then. I'll summon you back and tie your spirit to a jack-in-the-box.

[starspangledhero]

[ ENGLAND'S PIES TASTE LIKE LOVE AND CHARCOAL. ...MOSTLY CHARCOAL. ]

As if I'd die and leave you all alone. You'd be totally helpless without me! The only people you'd have left as allies are France, China, and Russia.

Though, hypothetically, if I do die, I want a statue erected of myself.

[mygodmyright.livejournal.com]

There isn't a sculptor talented enough in the world to perfectly capture your ugliness.

And I wouldn't be alone. I have plenty of other, better friends.

[starspangledhero]

Oh.

Well, anyway, hurry up and have dinner ready for me! I have a window to climb out of!

[mygodmyright.livejournal.com]

Window?

What window?

[starspangledhero]

My window! Or Denmark's. Or, whoever's living above Japan!

[mygodmyright.livejournal.com]

The window is the first place people look when they looking for spies. If you're really looking to steal information from Japan, pretend you're Germany and invite him over for tea.

[starspangledhero]

But I already have the rope! If he asks, I'll yell about training and go tell him to run laps. That's what Germany does, right?

[mygodmyright.livejournal.com]

There's plenty of other things you can do with rope.

... scowl a bit more, and you've got it. You'll never be as good at espionage as me, but I suppose you come somewhat close.

[starspangledhero]

I can scowl! And I'll pour some of that nasty beer in my hair so I'll even smell German!

[mygodmyright.livejournal.com]

It's more than just scowling. You have to scowl like you've lost all joy in the world, and stand stiffly at attention even when you think no one's looking.

[starspangledhero]

Lost all joy in the world... that's gonna be tough.

[mygodmyright.livejournal.com]

I'd place all the faith in the world on you.

[ ... ] Well, no. I really wouldn't. But if you consider cutting Lend-Lease debt in half, I'm sure I could help you.

[starspangledhero]

Aw, that's sweet! But it doesn't help my current dilemma.

I'd rather not.

[mygodmyright.livejournal.com]

Your loss.

When Germany catches you and carts you off to a prison in the middle of nowhere, don't come crying to me.

[starspangledhero]

I won't! [ hurr hurr let's not get stuck in Slaughterhouse Five. ]

Make sure you have dinner ready for me when I get back.

[ You are officially the domestic one in the Special Relationship. NOW MAKE ME A SANDWICH, EYEBROWS. ]