starspangledhero | ( text; ) Karkat is the one that fell down a hole this time

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!discedo

( text; ) Karkat is the one that fell down a hole this time

OKAY SO YOU GUYS KNOW HOW EVERYONE GOT COOL STUFF AFTER THE THOUGHT FISHIES WENT AWAY AND I HAD TO PUNCH A SHARK AND HOW I GOT A MUSTANG (LIKE THE ACTUAL HORSE NOT THE CAR)??? WELL I DID! BUT IT WAS WILD SO I HAD TO BREAK IT IN. AND I FINALLY MANAGED IT WITH ONLY A COUPLE KICKS TO THE EVERYTHING.

CAN'T USE SHIFT CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE I BROKE MY HAND CLEANING HIS HOOVES. TYPING WITH THE OTHER.

OH AND I GOT SOME COOL OUTFITS TOO! I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL OF THEM ARE BUT ONE HAS A WHIP AND A HAT AND ANOTHER LOOKS LIKE A POLICE UNIFORM AND A SPOOKY ONE AND A COUPLE OTHERS. I LOOK REALLY GOOD IN THEM!

GUYS MY HAND LOOKS REALLY GROSS LOOK AT THIS:

HOLD ON I'M HAVING TROUBLE TURNING ON VID

( video; english )

--oh, there we go!

[ America grins, then turns the video to his hand. It's swollen, one of the fingers is blackened, and the nail has fallen off. He has to show everyone his gross injuries always. He turns it back to himself; he's wearing his Indiana Jones outfit, minus the hat. ]

Sick, right? I'm gonna splint it up and stuff, so hopefully it won't take too long to heal! And then I can get to work making a saddle to fit him and Namine's pony! The plains should be thawed enough to graze them this spring. Man, I'm excited to finally get to ride again!

And if anyone has some pain meds or anything, that'd be cool.

[ America gives a thumbs up with his non-broken hand before shutting off the video. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...

Maybe you should... go to the hospital. Yes, that... really looks like you need to treat it.

Really.

Dunno who that is! But I look good and I have a horse and that's all that matters!

Nah, I'm good. Trust me, this happened like, all the time in the nineteenth century. I've been dragged and kicked and been broken every which way, but I heal pretty fast! I'll take care of it!

Actor, best Indiana Jones actor to date--you'll see eventually. Revived the whole thing in a very inaccurate but dashing trilogy in the 1980's. Classic films.

But you're a simple man! Nation. Country. I respect that. Try not to fall to pieces though. Dunno what we'd use for glue to get you back together.

Not exactly classic to me, but I'm looking forward to 'em! I heard the 70s and 80s are gonna be awesome so I'm really excited! Is he a hero too? Am I as handsome as him? Surely I'm as cool as him, right?!

We could try super glue? I mean, depends what we're gluing! If it's just a finger it should work, but for a whole arm, we'd probably need like, industrial caulk or something.

The coolest and handsomest with a fedora. A fedora, America; you cannot possibly get any cooler. It's on par to wearing a fez, and that's saying something. So yes.

... Maybe sutures and a lot of morphine.

I have the hat too! So I'm just as groovy as Indy, obviously! Never worn a fez but I bet I could rock that too, even better than Turkey.

I miss morphine... you don't have any, do you? I used all mine up in one go so now I'm kinda outta luck.

Wait. Wait. Hold on, just a minute!

Almost got it--

Brilliant, isn't it?

... No, afraid not on the morphine bit. Sorry!

[ stares. ]

[ IMMEDIATELY PUTTING ON THE INDIANA JONES HAT. ]

YEAH!!!!

ALRIGHT!

So. We've our hats now. Brilliant.

Wait--hold on--

[ the universe will implode with this much awesome in one sitting. ]

Man. Yes. Wait hold on I can make this even better!

[ America scrambles away, a sudden "OW!" being heard off screen as he hits his hurt hand. A minute later, he's back.

Wearing a red bow tie. ]

Now we're talkin'!

Who'd have thought? You, my friend, have excellent taste. Never thought I'd say that to a whole country--but you really do.

Question though! On your escapades, you haven't run across a blue police box, have you?

[ America just grins back. THE CRACKS IN TIME ALL START WITH THIS MOMENT. THIS IS THE CAUSE. ]

Damn straight! I know bow ties haven't been the "in" thing for a while, but they're still totally cool! The only guy who can rival my fashion is England, and that's only because fashion and music and fog are the only things he's ever done right. Except for me, of course. And Canada I guess. Mostly me.

Blue police box? Nah, ha haven't seen anything like that. But I did find a bag of pretzels yesterday. [ totally. relevant. ]

I do have a particular fondness for England. Tweed, the Union Jack, Wales... Fish and chips.

... Right! Of course. Pretzels.

I have the pet whale, not England! And he's too... English. It's like someone shoved a stick up his ass somewhere in the 18th century and he has yet to dislodge it. Plus, it's always raining at his place. I hardly ever see the sky over there.

[ as oblivious as America is, he does see the faltering expression. he just doesn't get it. ] ........Do you want some pretzels?

Not the animal, the country--but whales are amazing too. Especially star whales. And so you know, that probably comes with the territory. Queen Victoria, now she--very strong woman, very... resolute. Lots of propriety and... unamusedness.

...

What? Oh! No. It's not the pretzels. I mean it is, actually, but they're so salty. I'd prefer a banana

Star whales? [ yeah he heard NOTHING BUT THAT. ]

No bananas around here! And it takes a lot of work to make ice cream. Which means there's no banana splits, and that just sucks. You gotta make do with pretzels!

Star whales.

...

Now I really want a banana split. Why would you do that?

What's a star whale?

I want one too... that was a bad idea, now it's all I'm thinking about. Banana splits and star whales.

One of the most amazing creatures in the universe.

And I'd settle for a plain old banana; rich in nutrients, taste and... banana.

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3/4 I AM A LIAR

DONE

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done. keywords.

LMFAO

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