starspangledhero | ( text; ) Karkat is the one that fell down a hole this time

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!discedo

( text; ) Karkat is the one that fell down a hole this time

OKAY SO YOU GUYS KNOW HOW EVERYONE GOT COOL STUFF AFTER THE THOUGHT FISHIES WENT AWAY AND I HAD TO PUNCH A SHARK AND HOW I GOT A MUSTANG (LIKE THE ACTUAL HORSE NOT THE CAR)??? WELL I DID! BUT IT WAS WILD SO I HAD TO BREAK IT IN. AND I FINALLY MANAGED IT WITH ONLY A COUPLE KICKS TO THE EVERYTHING.

CAN'T USE SHIFT CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE I BROKE MY HAND CLEANING HIS HOOVES. TYPING WITH THE OTHER.

OH AND I GOT SOME COOL OUTFITS TOO! I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL OF THEM ARE BUT ONE HAS A WHIP AND A HAT AND ANOTHER LOOKS LIKE A POLICE UNIFORM AND A SPOOKY ONE AND A COUPLE OTHERS. I LOOK REALLY GOOD IN THEM!

GUYS MY HAND LOOKS REALLY GROSS LOOK AT THIS:

HOLD ON I'M HAVING TROUBLE TURNING ON VID

( video; english )

--oh, there we go!

[ America grins, then turns the video to his hand. It's swollen, one of the fingers is blackened, and the nail has fallen off. He has to show everyone his gross injuries always. He turns it back to himself; he's wearing his Indiana Jones outfit, minus the hat. ]

Sick, right? I'm gonna splint it up and stuff, so hopefully it won't take too long to heal! And then I can get to work making a saddle to fit him and Namine's pony! The plains should be thawed enough to graze them this spring. Man, I'm excited to finally get to ride again!

And if anyone has some pain meds or anything, that'd be cool.

[ America gives a thumbs up with his non-broken hand before shutting off the video. ]

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But what is it?! [ practically BOUNCING with excitement. ]

I want McDonalds. Or Dunkin Donuts. What I wouldn't do for some actual coffee around here!

A whale. Of the stars. A giant, ancient species that flew high and far and fast throughout the universe. Amazing creatures--not unlike Earth's whales, except almost as large as, say, Great Britain. Unlike the fish that visited Discedo, they guided the first space travellers from Earth. And weren't conceptual, obviously.

... I hear they managed to acquire some at the cafe.

[ Absolutely. Enthralled. He's just sitting here beaming. Space travel? On a whale? Sounds like America has a new dream. ]

I must befriend one.

[ Oh, and that's just the beginning. He's now doing all sorts of flailing movements out of sheer enthusiasm. ]

I'LL MAKE A ROCKET AND I'LL FLY TO THE STAR WHALE AND I'LL BE LIKE "HELLO NEW BEST FRIEND" AND THE WHALE WILL BE LIKE "I'M A WHALE AND I TRAVEL THROUGH SPACE, OF COURSE I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND AMERICA! LET'S EXPLORE THE LAST FRONTIER!"

AND THEN WE WILL RIDE THROUGH THE UNIVERSE TOGETHER.

AND I'LL FINALLY GET TO TOUCH THE STARS!

PROBABLY NOT LITERALLY JUST POETICALLY BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

That I do! You'll see it eventually, you know, and it'll be brilliant. The furthest reaches of the solar system and beyond.

[ as he should be ]

I've been dreaming about it ever since... well, forever, when I was still small! My memories from back then are pretty spotty, but even so I can still remember trying to touch the sky! And I finally made it to the moon, so I'm already partway there!

Hey! If I stand on the moon long enough, you think a star whale will swim by?!

Don't think so. Maybe. You'd have to stand there for quite a while--I think you'd have to get a bit further out to be honest, but you'll run across them. Well, Americans will, like everybody else, and quite a way in the future from your point in time... But you'll see them.

Then I guess that's not what Tatsumi meant when he said the 1970s and 80s would be good. Dang. I wanna meet a star whale now!

[ his voice strains at the end, almost escalating to a whine. ]

Well, I've always got Moby and Tony in the mean time... together, that's almost like having a star whale!

...

Tony?

Who's Tony?

The alien who lives with me back home.

[ said so casually as though this isn't strange at all. ]

I'm not even surprised, and yet...

... Let me guess, he landed in the forties.

How'd you know?!

Lucky guess. Kind of an area of expertise really.

What, the 1940s?

Kind of, sort of, not what I was referring to. What's this about Tony? What did he look like? Did he ever get back home?

He's small and grey with big red eyes, and he says "fucking" a lot, and I know I say it too but he totally did that before he saw my movies. Never went back home, no, 'cause he just likes living with me too much! And who can blame him? My place is awesome!

Plus, I think he'd miss Lithuania too much if he ever went back home.

...

That is the biggest bunch of nonsense.

Tell me more. Did he ever say what planet he was from?

It's not nonsense! It's true! And anything else it Top Secret.

It's a good job I have the highest sort of clearance, then.

[ eyes going wide ]

YOU'RE MY UNCLE BOB?!

...

...

What?

UNCLE BOB, I FINALLY FOUND YOU!

England always mentioned you and kept saying things like "he is properly called Robert you ill-mannered twit" and "he drinks" but I never actually thought I'd find you!

[ SNIFFLE.

Yes he is tearing up at this beautiful family reunion.

And yes, he did imitate an English accent for his impersonations. He wasn't too bad. ]

I don't-- ... What?

No. Don't do that.

Yes, fine, right, but I'm actually the Doctor. Can nations have uncles?

No, that's not the point--I'm the Doctor.

Right here, look--just look at it.

Uncle Doctor Bob! [ It's like Uncle Onkle Denmark Ojisan. ]

Totally! I've got brothers, and Denmark's kinda like my uncle too, and England was sorta like a father, so it's definitely possible! Just complicated since the relations overlap! And I adopted a sorta-human kid so there.

[ He looks at it again, but alas, your fate is just too late. His face lights up once again. ]

You're my Uncle Doctor and you invented the moon?!

Yes. Yes. Why not? I've made stranger claims.

If you were here I would hug you, Uncle Doctor.

[ just. this face. ]

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