✪ A M E R I C A ✪ (Alfred F. Jones) ✪ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
starspangledhero) wrote2011-01-18 11:48 pm
starspangledhero) wrote2011-01-18 11:48 pm
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( video ) America: Greet the new arrival to the embassy
[ America pops up, all smiles as usual. The camera shakes a bit as he moves up the stairs to his apartment. ]
Yeesh, usually I check in more than this, but you know how it goes: busy taking down vicious beasts, throwing birthday parties, saving the city, the usual! Ah, hold on...
[ He fumbles in his pocket for a key, opening his door... ]
So earlier I had this really good idea for-!
[ This is promptly cut off by a scream. It is the scream of someone who is now witnessing their precious pet dog(dragonwolfmonsterhellbeast) being eviscerated and eaten. Actually, here, have a quick view of the scene while America presses himself against the wall: ...why, it's only Nepeta enjoying a meal consisting of monster meat! What's so terrible about that?
Fucking everything, damn it. That blood splatter on the floor was his pet. How would you feel if someone ate your dog? Not too hot. Even if the creature eating your pet happens to be a cute little troll girl who, at the moment, looks a bit like a pet who just got caught doing something they shouldn't. The irony of this situation continues to mount. ]
PUPPY, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! OHMYGOD IT'S EATING MY DOG!
[ Cue more incoherent screaming as he grapples for his shotgun. Amidst his struggling, the communicator switches off.
If you are in Marshall, you can probably hear his screaming. ]
Yeesh, usually I check in more than this, but you know how it goes: busy taking down vicious beasts, throwing birthday parties, saving the city, the usual! Ah, hold on...
[ He fumbles in his pocket for a key, opening his door... ]
So earlier I had this really good idea for-!
[ This is promptly cut off by a scream. It is the scream of someone who is now witnessing their precious pet dog(dragonwolfmonsterhellbeast) being eviscerated and eaten. Actually, here, have a quick view of the scene while America presses himself against the wall: ...why, it's only Nepeta enjoying a meal consisting of monster meat! What's so terrible about that?
Fucking everything, damn it. That blood splatter on the floor was his pet. How would you feel if someone ate your dog? Not too hot. Even if the creature eating your pet happens to be a cute little troll girl who, at the moment, looks a bit like a pet who just got caught doing something they shouldn't. The irony of this situation continues to mount. ]
PUPPY, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! OHMYGOD IT'S EATING MY DOG!
[ Cue more incoherent screaming as he grapples for his shotgun. Amidst his struggling, the communicator switches off.
If you are in Marshall, you can probably hear his screaming. ]
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===>
Uh, I'm actually a country, but I'm in Marshall 202!
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You're confronted with yet another grey-skinned girl. This encounter is going slightly better so far, as she has yet to devour anything dear to you and cover herself in gore. Maybe this one will be betterohmygod she's a fish girl.
It's like a mermaid with swim goggles is standing in front of you. So awesome.
Enter Name.
Hi there! I'm The United States America: the one, the only, and the best! And I'm guessing you're the other troll girl, right? ...You're not going to eat anything while "cleaning up" are you?
This is sadly a legitimate concern. The last thing you need is for a new troll kid to start chewing on your blood stained furniture.
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The fact that these troll kids(?) are repeatedly disappointed at the lack of dog corpse is both disturbing and somewhat admirable. Their appetites nearly rival America's in their tenacity and their apparent willingness to eat anything.
America: React in horror and grab the shotgun.
What? Why would you do that? It's just a fish girl with sharp teeth. Sheesh, you talk to a fucking werepire on a daily basis. It's not like she's communist or anything.
...Maybe.
You will investigate this later.
America: Be an amiable host.
Alrighty then! I'll go get the cleaning supplies! You want anything to eat while we clean up?
Because YOUR FRIEND ALREADY ATE MY FUCKING DOG I'M SORRY ALL I HAVE LEFT TO OFFER IS CANNED STEW.
That is what you would say if you had the same anger level as Karkat. But you don't. No one has that level of anger except Karkat.
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And when that black hole collapses, there is only Linda and BB. That is the entirety of existence. As. It. Should be.
Awesome! I'll start making us some soup!
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You begin cooking the canned stew. It's an American brand and therefore delicious. You can tell it is because the label's in English. If the trolls thought your pet was delicious, just wait until they try your food!
America: Make a terrible error in judgement.
You don't understand what that means. All you've done is roll up your sleeves and grab a soapy bucket of water. There's nothing strange about that, you tell yourself.
Except for the fact that you've inadvertently set up all the countries of Discedo to have a reputation as perverts. You don't know this, of course, because seriously it's just a bucket for cleaning up water. Nothing strange about that.
You reach in to grab a soapy sponge and start scrubbing.
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You're startled out of your scrubbing, dropping the soapy sponge on the floor. You honestly have no idea what you've done wrong. Sadly, this is not a new scenario for you. At this point you're just hoping your "cultural misunderstanding" doesn't lead to a tomahawk to the head.
You pray that Feferi is not secretly the Emerald City Slasher.
W-what?! What'd I do?! What's going on?!
America: Be Brick Tamland again.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!
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You hold up your hands defensively. You're still not sure what the hell is going on.
America: LOUD NOISES.
That is the least helpful command thus far. And yet, you are compelled to obey.
LISTEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON CAN YA JUST TELL ME WHY YOU'RE FREAKING OUT?!
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