starspangledhero | ( text; ) dated some time after the name-fiasco

So... I'll say right now that, no matter what Denmark said, I'm okay if you call me Alfred or America or both or like, "Almerica" or "Amerifred" or whatever you like! I'm both. I ain't human, but. You know, maybe I'll explain it better some day, but I don't want to right now because Denmark's pissing me off and I don't want to think about things like this when I'm upset, and besides, I've got more important things to talk about right now!

LIKE THANKSGIVING.

I'm gonna have a dinner tomorrow! Miles kinda just reminded me so I know it's kinda short-notice, but I've got a box of instant mashed potatoes and other canned things that can somewhat resemble a Thanksgiving dinner if you tilt your head and squint! Anyway, all Americans are invited, and if we hang out and you're not American you can totally come too! Yes, even you, Little England, are allowed over. Try and bring food if you do show up though, because I will be hungry.

Everyone who's chipping in to help with the whole hot water thing, let's start after Thanksgiving, okay? Oh, let's finish before Christmas! It'll be like a present to ourselves!

...Okay, so I have no idea to lock something to someone who's dead, so if you're listening in Phantom the Kid: I dunno if ghosts eat or what but I guess you're allowed to stop by after everyone else has gone home. It must suck to be dead on the holidays. But I'm a nice guy and even though you scare the piss outta me, I have a sworn duty to you and therefore you can have some potatoes too!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

And that is why I'm your only friend. I'm the only one who's put up with your crazy for centuries.

I am not crazy...

And I don't care what anyone says. I'll never stop believing in the fairies. Even if I never have any friends!

But they don't exist!

...And yet I know you're never gonna stop. Weirdo. [ SIGH. ] Man you're so lucky you've got me.

How would you know they don't exist? Have you ever actually looked for them?

[ yes. all the time as a child. ]

No, because they don't!

Well if you don't look, then you'll never find them. Even I didn't find them right away.

I've got better things to do. Like Thanksgiving.

Who exactly declared this day of thanksgiving anyway? Is there even a church here?

[He is thinking of medieval thanksgiving days, naturally.]

One of my bosses did and there is but there's no preachers or anything and I'm pretty sure it's Catholic.

Oh.

[That isn't so strange. Sometimes political leaders declared days of thanksgiving too.]

So why did your boss declare a day of thanksgiving anyway? And how are you going to have it with no priests?

Hell if I know. All I know is what it means. And I know that it doesn't need priests because that's not what it's about! It's about being thankful and peace and happiness between myself and the Natives and family gatherings and eating turkey and watching The Wizard of Oz.

...........

You believe in wizards but not fairies?

It's a movie, and wizards are totally different.

What's a movie?

And you can't believe in one type of magic without at least considering the others.

A movie's like... hmm, well you know on these things? How you can see people, but they're not actually there? It's like that! Instead of talking to people, you're watching a story!

I kinda gave up on witches and wizards a long time ago, too. Magic is usually just another way of talkin' about religion. [ or, at least, that's his rationalization for Louisiana Voodoo. Too bad this is before the era of Harry Potter. ]

So..... it's like scrying? But you're watching a play?

I've got no idea what the heck scrying is, but yeah, it's like a play! Except the actors are on screen, not right in front of you.

Scrying is when you use magic to see things that are far away. If you're very good at it, it can also be used for divination.

[ how does he even respond to that beyond "you are one weird little kid" ]

...Right.

I'm not very good at it yet, but the fairies have been teaching me a little.

I can teach you more useful things than your imaginary friends! Like how to be awesome!

............

And how do you do that?

[He's honestly curious to hear this answer. Seriously, how do you teach awesome?]

A very rigorous course in which you learn what it means to be awesome, how to achieve some level of awesomeness, and what makes "awesome" awesome.

[ aka sitting around eating burgers, listening to the Beatles, and getting an earful of his hippie talk. throw in some modernity and actual legit stuff, but that's after the burgers. ]

...............

[There is a long moment of silence. Then a strange sound which may be a childish giggle.]

You made that up. I bet you just came up with it, didn't you?

[ the giggling throws him off and he totally forgets he's talking to England. ]

If I can come up with a course schedule that fast, think how fast I'll be able to come up with actual lessons!