[video]

[starspangledhero]

[ Have you ever tried to text someone, then you get a phone call, and you end up both losing the text and dropping the call? Something similar just happened to America, so he's been frantically pressing keys to his communicator and somehow manages a post. He still has the bandages and bad hair cut. He blinks in surprise when he realizes it's recording, in mid-chew of a sandwich. ]

--oh, hold on a sec, accidentally turned it on. Well everyone! The occupation of Denmark is going smoothly! There's been no resistance by either domestic or outside forces. Food supplies are adequate and the locals have been very hospitable to American aid! That's all there is for now. Japan's possible dates are still being processed and I'm still in the process of both Marshall repairs and Rail Tracer investigations.

[ America grins with a mouth full of food and give a thumbs up. Look around in the background, and it's obvious he's actually in Denmark's apartment.

Specifically, the kitchen. A table shoved in the corner with two chairs, stove, counters, fish bowl with goldfish, it's all pretty unremarkable, surprisingly or not. Denmark's sitting at the other chair, wearing an apron and clearly not listening even a little bit. ]

Hey, pay attention. The next one is knep dig selv. Kneppede is the past tense.

[ He pronounces each word slowly and carefully.

Now America is completely distracted. Hello awful attention span. The communicator's set down to pick food off of his plate. And through a mouthful of food: ]

Er, kinep thy salv? [ Pronounced with American phonetics. ]

Kinda. Except it's knep.

[ [ Denmark is more or less used to people not being able to pronounce his beautiful, potatolike language. He thinks for a second. ]

Oh, this one's easier. Pik ansjos.

Pick ansyos!

Now the best one of all! halv svensker.

[ For some reason, Denmark is laughing through this particular insult... ]

Halv swinskar.

[ America grins, like it's a joke he doesn't quite get but still finds funny. Hey, it's an effort for him to even pay attention to this "lesson." Horrible pronunciation is to be expected. He finishes munching his food and swallows. ]

Make me another sandwich! Oh, make it two. I've gotta hand one off to Namine later. And what've you got to drink around here?

Beer.

[ There's absolutely no delay; in fact, Denmark looks kind of confused by the question. What else would he have to drink? Jeez, what does he look like? But he shrugs and pushes back in his chair, standing up and adjusting his apron. Let's see, there's a little of that care-package meat left... He calls over his shoulder, grinning, intentionally picking one hard to pronounce: ]

Now try and say hænge røv!

I... uh... repeat that?

[ America's eye glances over to the communicator, and, remembering it's on, reaches over to turn it off. Meanwhile his attention is turned back to Denmark. ]

While I'm here, can ya help me with my eye? It should be okay by now but I need--

[ The communicator turns off to everyone else. To Denmark, the rest of his sentence is "someone to look at it and see if it looks alright." Behold a surprisingly domestic post. ]

Comments

[starspangledhero]

[ STILL STARING. ]

Are you gonna get it?

[kongeriget]

I'm making a sandwich. It's in the bathroom. [ Patiently... ]

[starspangledhero]

Oh! [ WELL AS LONG AS YOU'RE MAKING FOOD... disappearing into the bathroom.

And calling out a few seconds later: ]

Where is it?

[kongeriget]

Under the sink! [ Yelled back.

It's a very large, very well stocked kit. Way past cotton balls and rubbing alcohol - given whose apartment this is, though, there's probably good reason for that. ]

[starspangledhero]

FOUND IT! [ Every time is capslock time.

America returns, tossing the kit on the table and sitting back in the chair. He props his feet up, leans back in his chair, and crosses his hands over his stomach. Now staring at Denmark make his food. ]

[kongeriget]

[ He's layering the bread with odds and ends of... whatever he can find, really. Some cucumber, beets, fish, half a hard boiled egg, and mayonnaise. When he's done, he even puts a little decorative bit of greens on top. This is important, clearly. ]

So the hell happened to yer eye again?

[starspangledhero]

[ Dude, if it's edible, America will eat it. Even if it's not edible, if you smother it in grease, he will eat it. And staring at that sandwich appreciatively. ]

Got stabbed with a pencil. The Rail Tracer was up to his usual evil shenanigans and I was caught in the crossfires.

[kongeriget]

Latvia, Russia, or the other one? Can ya see out of it at all? Did it fall out? Is there gangrene? Do ya need an eyepatch? [ Puts the sandwich down on the table and kind of tilts his head, staring at the eye. ]

[starspangledhero]

All of the above! Not the New York Tracer, Latvia and Russia I mean. Uh.

[ Picking up his half of the sandwich and munching on it. ]

Hey, this is good! Uh, I dunno. There was lots of blood but I got it wrapped up and it hasn't oozed pus or anything so I'm pretty sure it's not infected. It stopped hurting yesterday but I haven't gotten it checked yet. I just wanna make sure it's still there, even if I can't see outta it yet.

[kongeriget]

If it's dead, ya need to get it removed, ya know. Or else it will go bad. Of course it's good, it's Danish.

[starspangledhero]

Dead? Alabama can't be dead! It can't go bad! [ America not getting his eye removed is responsible for Tim James. ]

[kongeriget]

Maybe it'll grow back? I've never lost a limb before.

[starspangledhero]

Neither have I. Not entirely.

[ Touching his bandages nervously. ]

Maybe we should wait! Give it more time, you know? It could be all gross under there.

[kongeriget]

If it's gross, it needs cleaning. Finish eating and take 'em off. [ SUDDENLY BUSINESSLIKE. ] I'll be right back.

[starspangledhero]

But... it'll be alright, right?

[ Picking at his sandwich a little more slowly. SOB HE DOESN'T WANT TO LOSE ALABAMBALAMBALA. ]

Where're you going?

[kongeriget]

If it's cleaned. [ Pause. Awkwardawkward. ] Ya can't tell anyone! I just! Need to grab something from the other room!

[starspangledhero]

I can't tell anyone what? Where you're going?

[ shoving his feet off the table to watch wherever the hell Denmark is going. ]

[kongeriget]

[ Just into the living room, where he goes to the couch and pulls from between the cushions... a pair of glasses. Yes, it's as anti-climatic as it sounds. ]

[starspangledhero]

[ STARING.


STILL STARING.

America has no idea what's going on or what's about to happen. So he calls out from the kitchen. ]

ARE YOU HIDING A ROCKET LAUNCHER IN THE COUCH?

[kongeriget]

NO. [ Walking back. As he does: ] BUT THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.

[starspangledhero]

[ And just staring. ]

Then I don't get it. What am I supposed to be not telling anyone about?

[kongeriget]

I wanna take a good look at yer eye, so... so...

so, I...



I... vil bære briller! I mean, wear my glasses! But they aren't mine! [ SOB. ]

[starspangledhero]

[ BLANK. STARE. ]

And?

[kongeriget]

[ MEANWHILE, IN HIS DRAMATIC CORNER.......


Wait. What. ]





And I'm wearing them.

[starspangledhero]

[ the dramatic corner looks like the opening to Twilight ]

And?