[video]

[starspangledhero]

[ Have you ever tried to text someone, then you get a phone call, and you end up both losing the text and dropping the call? Something similar just happened to America, so he's been frantically pressing keys to his communicator and somehow manages a post. He still has the bandages and bad hair cut. He blinks in surprise when he realizes it's recording, in mid-chew of a sandwich. ]

--oh, hold on a sec, accidentally turned it on. Well everyone! The occupation of Denmark is going smoothly! There's been no resistance by either domestic or outside forces. Food supplies are adequate and the locals have been very hospitable to American aid! That's all there is for now. Japan's possible dates are still being processed and I'm still in the process of both Marshall repairs and Rail Tracer investigations.

[ America grins with a mouth full of food and give a thumbs up. Look around in the background, and it's obvious he's actually in Denmark's apartment.

Specifically, the kitchen. A table shoved in the corner with two chairs, stove, counters, fish bowl with goldfish, it's all pretty unremarkable, surprisingly or not. Denmark's sitting at the other chair, wearing an apron and clearly not listening even a little bit. ]

Hey, pay attention. The next one is knep dig selv. Kneppede is the past tense.

[ He pronounces each word slowly and carefully.

Now America is completely distracted. Hello awful attention span. The communicator's set down to pick food off of his plate. And through a mouthful of food: ]

Er, kinep thy salv? [ Pronounced with American phonetics. ]

Kinda. Except it's knep.

[ [ Denmark is more or less used to people not being able to pronounce his beautiful, potatolike language. He thinks for a second. ]

Oh, this one's easier. Pik ansjos.

Pick ansyos!

Now the best one of all! halv svensker.

[ For some reason, Denmark is laughing through this particular insult... ]

Halv swinskar.

[ America grins, like it's a joke he doesn't quite get but still finds funny. Hey, it's an effort for him to even pay attention to this "lesson." Horrible pronunciation is to be expected. He finishes munching his food and swallows. ]

Make me another sandwich! Oh, make it two. I've gotta hand one off to Namine later. And what've you got to drink around here?

Beer.

[ There's absolutely no delay; in fact, Denmark looks kind of confused by the question. What else would he have to drink? Jeez, what does he look like? But he shrugs and pushes back in his chair, standing up and adjusting his apron. Let's see, there's a little of that care-package meat left... He calls over his shoulder, grinning, intentionally picking one hard to pronounce: ]

Now try and say hænge røv!

I... uh... repeat that?

[ America's eye glances over to the communicator, and, remembering it's on, reaches over to turn it off. Meanwhile his attention is turned back to Denmark. ]

While I'm here, can ya help me with my eye? It should be okay by now but I need--

[ The communicator turns off to everyone else. To Denmark, the rest of his sentence is "someone to look at it and see if it looks alright." Behold a surprisingly domestic post. ]

Comments

[kongeriget]

[ MEANWHILE, IN HIS DRAMATIC CORNER.......


Wait. What. ]





And I'm wearing them.

[starspangledhero]

[ the dramatic corner looks like the opening to Twilight ]

And?

[kongeriget]

...





Just take off the bandages.

[starspangledhero]

Okay!

[ Slowly unwrapping all his bandages. The eye area is all bruised and might have some dried blood around it. But he's not opening his eye. ]

[kongeriget]

[ He pulls up his chair really close and kind of watches. And puts on the reading glasses, sobbing on the inside. ] Open the eye.

[starspangledhero]

[ Oh yeah America's glasses should be off by this point whoops. And DRAMATIC PAUSE.





















And finally opening the eye. It looks fine. EXCEPT YOU CAN SEE YOUR DEATH IN IT EHEHEHEUEHEUEHUEHEUEHE... hehehe... sob movie references. ]

[kongeriget]

...


Can ya see anything?

[starspangledhero]

[ Blink. Squint, and wincing slightly, more out of reflex than actual pain. ]

Nope! ...Oh, wait.

[ Putting his glasses back on and smiling. ]

Yep! I see you!

[kongeriget]

Good. [ He even looks relieved. ] Now take 'em off again, I'm cleaning it.

[starspangledhero]

[ D'awwww America doesn't catch the relief. At all. But he take off his glasses and resumes squinting at Denmark. ]

This isn't gonna hurt, is it?

[kongeriget]

I dunno, it's yer eye. [ IT'LL PROBABLY STING. Getting out the first aid kit and the stuff and the skimming 'cause I don't really know. ]

[starspangledhero]

[ I ASSUME IT'LL STING A LOT I don't know how you flush out an eye, except with water. But America will be making a huge effort to keep his eye open, squinting and blinking, probably tearing up a bit. But not making much noise of protests other than a couple Danish swears grunts of pain. ]

[kongeriget]

[ He's not really flushing it as much as cleaning around it, although I just checked and you can use an eyedropper and stuff to gently flush an eye, so basically, you're getting the works, America. And Denmark doesn't even flinch, pause, or try to be nice about it. MAN UP. ]

[starspangledhero]

[ HIS EYE WAS STABBED OUT AND NOW SHIT'S GETTING PUT BACK INTO IT. THE QUIET GRUNTS ARE A PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE RESPONSE. ]

[kongeriget]

Stop whining. [ ARE NOT. ]

[starspangledhero]

I'm not whining! [ You would know if he was whining. It's much shriller. ]

[kongeriget]

Then be quiet. [ VIKING TOUGHNESS. He keeps prodding away. ]

[starspangledhero]

Nngh. [ That's the only further noise he makes. BITING HIS LIP ow this hurts. As the silence stretches on, he needs to make some kind of noise, so he settles for talking. ]

You think if I wrap it up again, the docs will give me something good for it?

[kongeriget]

They might try and look at it first. Just say ya have severe internal pains or something they can't check. Okay! [ One lass swab, and he pulls back. ALL DONE. ]

[starspangledhero]

Maybe I can fake night blindness-- [ Blink blink, squinting at the blurry figure of Denmark. Near-sightedness sucks. ]

Done?

[kongeriget]

Yeah. But ya gotta clean it once a day, and be careful with it. Even if ya ain't blind, play it safe for a few more days.

[starspangledhero]

Alright!

[ munch munch munch on the food. speaking with a mouth full, as always. ]

You know, this is probably the easiest occupation I've ever done! No rebuilding, no loans, no Russia blockading me, no armed resistance. No wonder everyone wants to occupy you!

[kongeriget]

No, it's because my house is so great that everyone is jealous! And no one wants to occupy me!

[starspangledhero]

Why would they be jealous? I thought you said that I'm liberating you from Sweden and Germany and whoever else?

[kongeriget]

'Cause I have the best house in the world. And who knows why either of them does anything. I think Germany has a creepy-ass crush on me or his boss or something.