[text] he really isn't acting THAT much in the first part, hello commie paranoia

[starspangledhero]

It's a pandemic! A catastrophe! A goddamn plague!

AND IT'S ALL RUSSIA'S FAULT.



So I pretty much threw a party when the bastard left. Actually, I kinda did, since I went drinking with a noncrazy socialist. Anyway, that's besides the point. Let's start from the beginning.

This is Russia:



Uncanny likeness, I know. If I could feel fear like a lesser man, this picture would be sending shivers up my spine. Notice the devil's mark on him. Clear sign that he is responsible for this debauchery.

I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but there is something called the Rail Tracer that haunts this realm and others. It's a terrible demon, a ghost possibly, that devours trains whole. No one is ever seen alive after this. After some careful detective work and just plain common sense, I came to a startling conclusion.



Russia is the Rail Tracer.

It's so obvious! Something so evil, so absolutely corrupted and twisted could only come from something like that fatass snowpile. Following this logic, when Russia left Discedo (or died in a ditch somewhere, let's hope for that), he left behind the evil that manifests itself as the Tracer. Now we all know just how large and blubbery Russia is. That's a container for a lot of darkness. Where would that darkness go if it could not return to his cozy commie thermos?



That's right. That's a whooooole lot of evil to go around. The result?



In conclusion:

FUCK COMMUNISM.



[video; private]

[America carefully inspects the camera to make sure it's recording. He then nods, his expression utterly calm in contrast to the rambling Red Scare text. He sits back, arms folded in his lap and one leg crossed over the other. His expression quickly changes.

]

Hey there, America. Maybe I should say Alfred, huh? Since we're quite close and all, seeing how I'm you. Well.

[His smile widens.]

The "you" you'll never acknowledge. No, no, not the Confederacy, he's very dead.

[A snort.]

You rant and rave about Russia being crazy and about several of your own people being such monsters, but you're the one with what seems to be reoccurring MPD or incredibly sick delusions. This isn't because of civil war or riots, you've just got issues. That's alright though. You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy.

...It's really not that hard to program these things. Some codes here and there and it's automatically set to play whenever I want. Of course, it's only to you, Alfred. Why would I ever want to show this to anyone else that could get you in trouble? You're such and upstanding country, after all. A regular hero! Far be it from yourself to deny such a claim. We both know it to be true.

[A sigh, and slow shake of the head, almost as if America was gently chiding a child.]

But, you can't deny what you desire most. Power. The only way to save the world is to control it. Such a hero you are, Alfred.

[The smile wanes a bit, looking at the camera with a vague sense of pity, but the emotion is clearly shallow. Looking on this later, America will see more boredom and annoyance in his own eyes than caring.]

Can't you see that's what Manson is trying to do? You know his thoughts, Al. He's a part of you, he's going down in history. Just like Mr. Oswald! Oh, Harvey.

[America laughs as though he were remembering a good friend. Picking up a hunting knife, he begins twirling it in his fingers before tapping his temple with the tip.]

Hate to cut this short, but I've got some work to do. You see, there's a whole slew of people out there in desperate need of saving. Charlie had some good plans. The other guy has good motivation, good mind, he'll keep us out of trouble while making those police pigs work for their keep.

[His eyes narrow, frowning slightly. For the first time he looks mildly panicked. His voice rises slightly with each sentence as he slowly works himself into a frenzy.]

They won't catch us, Alfred. I'll keep ya safe-- they'll keep ya safe. You gotta know how to use them properly, but the police won't catch you. You won't be locked away for men's ideas, surely, and who would be crazy enough to lock you away for saving the world. We'll save the whole goddamn world and you know that always costs a little bloodshed, right? Even with people close to you. You can fight England, you can do this. They're goin' stir crazy out there, you can see it, and the only way to stop them is one way. You know you like the hunt. Don't deny it. You want this, because you know it's the only way to protect everyone! You can save all of your friends with just one swoop of your knife!

[A pause. He composes himself with a few shaky breaths.]

You'll see, when you see me, you, us when I play this tape after our work is done. You've got no one to trust but you. Even if you don't come around, you won't forget. You can't remain willfully ignorant of everything you choose.

[He sets the knife down, leaning in to stare dead into the the camera as his hand reaches for the "off" button.

There isn't a single trace of remorse in his eyes.]

And just how can we resist all the pretty little blonds here?

[Oh yeah. America's life is going to suck SO HARD when this is over. ...I don't even know where I was going with this.]

Comments

[isaaaaaac.livejournal.com]

Oh, America, you're brilliant! Russia must be the Rail Tracer! I can't believe we didn't realize it sooner!

[starspangledhero]

I know, right? I have to help all these innocent people infected with the Red disease!

ALL FEAR...THE WHALE TRACER

[fuck-you-d.livejournal.com]

[Deadpan.] Wow, you've solved the mystery. Genius.

THE BIGGEST THREAT TO DISCEDO YET

[starspangledhero]

I've watched enough detective movies to know what I'm doing!

[baka-jyanai.livejournal.com]

YOU JUST GET COOLER AND COOLER!

[starspangledhero]

I KNOW. JUST WHEN I THINK I'VE REACHED THE PEAK OF MY COOLNESS, I OUTDO MYSELF.

This is genius of last night o9

[littlestcrybaby.livejournal.com]

...I suppose.

W-wait! D-does that mean... I annexed R-Russia for real!?

WE ARE GRAND PEOPLE

[starspangledhero]

I guess. No clue why anyone would want to annex him, though. Take away his fucked up government, and he's the most useless hunk of land in the world.

[2cool4europe.livejournal.com]

Shut up.

[starspangledhero]

THE PUBLIC MUST BE INFORMED.

[kongeriget]

Alright! If the Rail Tracer is Russia, I don't have to worry about gettin' eaten!

[starspangledhero]

For the most part, yes, but we're not out of the woods yet. His evil is looking for bodies to hold them, like demons seeking out people to posses.

SHE WILL FEEL SO BAD ABOUT THIS LATER

[timeforzzzz.livejournal.com]

Your pictures are stupid! And how can Russia-san be responsible for all this if he's a whale?!

AMERICA ISN'T THAT OFFENDED, IT'S OKAY.

[starspangledhero]

Your brain must have trouble keeping up with my brilliance. Let me reiterate:

Russia = whale
Whales = large
Large = more room to contain evil
Whale leaves = evil has no container
Loose evil = crazies everywhere
Crazies = TIME FOR A HERO

Got it?

[voice] [lol 1960s]

[sentry-down.livejournal.com]

We got the bad kinda Reds here, too? What's with the talk about Russkies, pardner?

[voice] [1969 represent \o/]

[starspangledhero]

Sure do. Hell, we had the epitome of the communist regime here not too long ago. Thankfully the bastard's gone, hopefully collapsing early, but he left behind some of his sick ideals. You know how commies spread like a virus? Same goes for here. There's way too many that sympathize with the USSR or just don't wanna believe in the Red Threat.

She's referring to America's blame Russia psychosis.

[witchoftheweek.livejournal.com]

...The Red Scare. Why does this make sense?

Is it bad that the Red Scare accounts for sanity :|

[starspangledhero]

Because Russia's a psychotic landwhale who wants to make everyone one with him?

[embracethewaves.livejournal.com]

[...]

A country that's a whale that eats trains...I didn't think you guys could get any weirder.

[starspangledhero]

I also have reason to believe that he's the anti-Christ.

[mygodmyright.livejournal.com]

You're certainly giving Norman Rockwell a run for his money, aren't you?

[starspangledhero]

I think I'm catching up to Italy in the artistic field! 'Course he'll never have me beat with theater and music.

[leaveit2deutsch.livejournal.com]

Ve...but this couldn't be Russia's fault America!

[starspangledhero]

Why not?

[cravatsabound.livejournal.com]

... That disastrous fallacy you seem to associate with logic is an insult and a filthy disgrace to the field of investigation.

[starspangledhero]

Fuck off, you're not Dick Tracy.

you know, even when she's out of her mind she knows this is weird

[dustedsunlight.livejournal.com]

... Number one, how is Russia a whale.

Number two, if he is a whale, how can he be doing these acts...?

even out of her mind SHE NEEDS TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA DODGE NOW

[starspangledhero]

Have you seen how fat he is?

You can take it as either a metaphor or the theory that Russia is a werewhale.