( text; ) Karkat is the one that fell down a hole this time

[starspangledhero]

OKAY SO YOU GUYS KNOW HOW EVERYONE GOT COOL STUFF AFTER THE THOUGHT FISHIES WENT AWAY AND I HAD TO PUNCH A SHARK AND HOW I GOT A MUSTANG (LIKE THE ACTUAL HORSE NOT THE CAR)??? WELL I DID! BUT IT WAS WILD SO I HAD TO BREAK IT IN. AND I FINALLY MANAGED IT WITH ONLY A COUPLE KICKS TO THE EVERYTHING.

CAN'T USE SHIFT CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE I BROKE MY HAND CLEANING HIS HOOVES. TYPING WITH THE OTHER.

OH AND I GOT SOME COOL OUTFITS TOO! I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL OF THEM ARE BUT ONE HAS A WHIP AND A HAT AND ANOTHER LOOKS LIKE A POLICE UNIFORM AND A SPOOKY ONE AND A COUPLE OTHERS. I LOOK REALLY GOOD IN THEM!

GUYS MY HAND LOOKS REALLY GROSS LOOK AT THIS:

HOLD ON I'M HAVING TROUBLE TURNING ON VID

( video; english )

--oh, there we go!

[ America grins, then turns the video to his hand. It's swollen, one of the fingers is blackened, and the nail has fallen off. He has to show everyone his gross injuries always. He turns it back to himself; he's wearing his Indiana Jones outfit, minus the hat. ]

Sick, right? I'm gonna splint it up and stuff, so hopefully it won't take too long to heal! And then I can get to work making a saddle to fit him and Namine's pony! The plains should be thawed enough to graze them this spring. Man, I'm excited to finally get to ride again!

And if anyone has some pain meds or anything, that'd be cool.

[ America gives a thumbs up with his non-broken hand before shutting off the video. ]

Comments

[starspangledhero]

You're the fuckass, Vomiting Troll McCrankypants. And wet dreams don't have to do with water. You dream about a sexy girl--guy, bucket, whatever the hell you're into--and you come in your sleep.

[ He shrugs, propping up his hurt foot on the arm of the couch. Injury loves this poor guy. ]

All I'm saying is I'm preeeettttty sure she's into older guys, and even if you're a douchebag and apparently she likes that sort of thing [cough RIKU REPLICA cough bitterness ] like I said, she doesn't have a whole lot of hate in her heart.

Sorry you're gonna die a virgin, man.

[ Looking on at poor Eridan with pity. ]

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[He pauses, flipping the bird to America briefly. Was that pity he sensed? nevermind.]



[Also, you might notice that he is slowly inching towards his gun.]

[starspangledhero]

Holy crap, you trolls are all sex-stupid. Are you from Troll 18th century Russia or something?

You know she's seventeen, right? And that I'm her dad. And even if I understood you hate-romance, I'd still think she could do better than you.

[ Oh, he notices. And he just casually whips out his gun, aims at Eridan, and smiles. He doesn't even get up from the couch. ]

Don't even think about it!

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[SUDDENLY ERIDAN'S NOT HALF THE MAN HE USED TO BE....]

[starspangledhero]

[ You already puked on his shoes, don't you dare piss on his floor. He keeps his gun trained on Eri, but doesn't make anything threatening moves, other than motioning with it for Eridan to step away from the LPOS. ]

Man, you're still a kid, don't worry about it. You've got a long way to go. And if you've got more questions about sex and stuff, Germany's pretty informed! He's good at explaining it too.

[ He helped America understand that men can't get pregnant, after all. ]

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[Maybe the trolls aren't toilet trained either. NOW WHAT AMERICA. Eridan slowly steps away from the LPOS. God damn this country, will he never get his weapon back!? WILL HE!?!?!]



[The poor kid looks about ready to cry purple crocodile tears, America. No. Really, he's like literally ready to start crying.]

[starspangledhero]

[ MAYBE. I don't know.

Wow what is this. Kids crying are so sad, even if they're little jerks who puke on his shoes and shoot his foot. America frowns, swinging his legs so that he's sitting upright on the couch. The gun rests on his lap with his hand loosely over it. Just in case Eridan gets any bright ideas. ]

Hey... it's okay. You'll find someone! At least in the mean time I'm sure there aren't any of those drone things around here. Haven't seen any. If I do, I can shoot 'em for you so you can stay a virgin for as long as ya please! Or as long as you're not gettin' any. I'm the hero! I can't let kids get killed!

[ He grins. ]

So you're safe from culling in the mean time! Just take care yourself. You're gonna start doing that anyway once you actually hit troll puberty or whatever.

[ Yes that was a masturbation joke. ]

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[ Wow, I need an adult!!! But, anyways Eridan perks up when America says he'll shoot the drones. For a brief moment anyways]

[starspangledhero]

[ HE IS GOING TO BE YOUR HERO WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, YOU LITTLE FUCKER. ]

Yeah well, when ya shoot 'em in the foot and they get pissed, I'll finish it off for ya!

[ Oh, and he's just snickering at that "I take care of myself" thing. ]

Pffff, I'm sure ya do.

[lonelyglub.livejournal.com]

[This adult human is so smug, thinks Eridan. I'm going to show him some manners by KICKING HIM IN THE FUCKING SHIN. And so, there Eridan goes, stepping forward to kick America in the legs.]

[starspangledhero]

[ Good luck with that. He'll kick Eridan back... with his hurt foot. This is counter productive. ]

Sure ya don't.