starspangledhero | ( text; ) Karkat is the one that fell down a hole this time

OKAY SO YOU GUYS KNOW HOW EVERYONE GOT COOL STUFF AFTER THE THOUGHT FISHIES WENT AWAY AND I HAD TO PUNCH A SHARK AND HOW I GOT A MUSTANG (LIKE THE ACTUAL HORSE NOT THE CAR)??? WELL I DID! BUT IT WAS WILD SO I HAD TO BREAK IT IN. AND I FINALLY MANAGED IT WITH ONLY A COUPLE KICKS TO THE EVERYTHING.

CAN'T USE SHIFT CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE I BROKE MY HAND CLEANING HIS HOOVES. TYPING WITH THE OTHER.

OH AND I GOT SOME COOL OUTFITS TOO! I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL OF THEM ARE BUT ONE HAS A WHIP AND A HAT AND ANOTHER LOOKS LIKE A POLICE UNIFORM AND A SPOOKY ONE AND A COUPLE OTHERS. I LOOK REALLY GOOD IN THEM!

GUYS MY HAND LOOKS REALLY GROSS LOOK AT THIS:

HOLD ON I'M HAVING TROUBLE TURNING ON VID

( video; english )

--oh, there we go!

[ America grins, then turns the video to his hand. It's swollen, one of the fingers is blackened, and the nail has fallen off. He has to show everyone his gross injuries always. He turns it back to himself; he's wearing his Indiana Jones outfit, minus the hat. ]

Sick, right? I'm gonna splint it up and stuff, so hopefully it won't take too long to heal! And then I can get to work making a saddle to fit him and Namine's pony! The plains should be thawed enough to graze them this spring. Man, I'm excited to finally get to ride again!

And if anyone has some pain meds or anything, that'd be cool.

[ America gives a thumbs up with his non-broken hand before shutting off the video. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...

Tony?

Who's Tony?

The alien who lives with me back home.

[ said so casually as though this isn't strange at all. ]

I'm not even surprised, and yet...

... Let me guess, he landed in the forties.

How'd you know?!

Lucky guess. Kind of an area of expertise really.

What, the 1940s?

Kind of, sort of, not what I was referring to. What's this about Tony? What did he look like? Did he ever get back home?

He's small and grey with big red eyes, and he says "fucking" a lot, and I know I say it too but he totally did that before he saw my movies. Never went back home, no, 'cause he just likes living with me too much! And who can blame him? My place is awesome!

Plus, I think he'd miss Lithuania too much if he ever went back home.

...

That is the biggest bunch of nonsense.

Tell me more. Did he ever say what planet he was from?

It's not nonsense! It's true! And anything else it Top Secret.

It's a good job I have the highest sort of clearance, then.

[ eyes going wide ]

YOU'RE MY UNCLE BOB?!

...

...

What?

UNCLE BOB, I FINALLY FOUND YOU!

England always mentioned you and kept saying things like "he is properly called Robert you ill-mannered twit" and "he drinks" but I never actually thought I'd find you!

[ SNIFFLE.

Yes he is tearing up at this beautiful family reunion.

And yes, he did imitate an English accent for his impersonations. He wasn't too bad. ]

I don't-- ... What?

No. Don't do that.

Yes, fine, right, but I'm actually the Doctor. Can nations have uncles?

No, that's not the point--I'm the Doctor.

Right here, look--just look at it.

Uncle Doctor Bob! [ It's like Uncle Onkle Denmark Ojisan. ]

Totally! I've got brothers, and Denmark's kinda like my uncle too, and England was sorta like a father, so it's definitely possible! Just complicated since the relations overlap! And I adopted a sorta-human kid so there.

[ He looks at it again, but alas, your fate is just too late. His face lights up once again. ]

You're my Uncle Doctor and you invented the moon?!

Yes. Yes. Why not? I've made stranger claims.

If you were here I would hug you, Uncle Doctor.

[ just. this face. ]

...

I suppose...

I did used to have a granddaughter.

Used to...

[ oh well now that's just sad. ]

Well, you've got me now! Aren't you the luckiest?!

You're certainly old enough.

The correct answer was yes, but that's right too, I guess.

I meant yes! That's exactly what I meant.

So, what am I going to call you? America? United?

...

States?

But there wasn't the word "yes" anywhere in that answer!

Anyway, America just works! Or Alfred. Probably just America since that's what I am and what everyone calls me.

Didn't have to! An answer can have a different intended meaning. For example! If someone yells at you in anger and they're all very upset and irritated, they may very well just be worried. Like that. Sort of.

It's different.

--Wait, you have a name? A human one?

(no subject)

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