starspangledhero | ( text → video; english ) this post is all over the place and I don't care. FANTASIAAA.

AMERICA'S AWESOME CHRISTMAS LIST

MAKE THE TVS WORK SO I CAN WATCH CHRISTMAS MOVIES

CHRISTMAS LIGHTS

CANDY CANES

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

SOME SANTA HATS

A CHRISTMAS TREE

NICE SMELLING SKIN LOTION (I'M BATHING NOW SO NOW I'M ALL DRY AND ITCHY)

WEED!!! (AND A GLASS BONG PLEASE)

A HORSE (PREFERABLY QUARTER HORSE)

A NEW RECORD PLAYER

AND AN ALBUM BY JIMI HENDRIX OR JOHNNY CASH OR FRANK SINATRA OR THE DOORS OR THE ROLLING STONES OR ALL OF THE ABOVE

WARM CLOTHES AND A SCARF

(FREEDOM) PEANUT BRITTLE

SEND PEANUT BRITTLE TO ROSALYN AND TONY AND MOBY AND MILES AND ISAAC AND MIRIA AND OLDER ENGLAND AND LITHUANIA ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS BACK HOME (HUMAN AND OTHERWISE AND NOT KISSINGER) WITH A NOTE THAT SAYS I LOVE THEM AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!

WEED (OR ACID OR K-TABS OR THORAZINE OR WHATEVER YOU'VE GOT) OR TOBACCO

BURGERS AND CHRISTMAS LIGHTS I WANT THEM

AND PLEASE INSTALL A MCDONALDS DOWN THE STREET. AMEN.

[ Insert excited America face here. ]

MY EMBASSY FINALLY HAS LIGHTS AND HOT WATER THANK YOU MADDIE BUTMOREIMPORTANTLYRIGHTNOW-

[ America steps back. He's wearing a tattered, burgundy bathrobe that looks like it's falling apart at the seams. Even worse, he's horribly made himself a blue wizard hat and painted stars onto it. Then he glued some black, vaguely circular papers onto it to look like mouse ears. It looks terrible. All of this took him days to concoct so hey, A for effort. All of this because YEAHHH CLEANING SUPPLIES ACTING ON THEIR OWN. ]

Look! I'm like Mickey Mouse in Fantasia! I am... the sorcerer's apprentice!

[ He starts marching, waving his arms around, generally acting like a goofball. Then, out of nowhere, sponges and brushes, scrubbing him in the vague direction of the bathroom. ]

H-hey, cut it out! Ack! AHHH MERLIN--!

[ He's hearded into the bathroom where there is a loud splash and more of America's ~~wailing~~ complaining as he's cleaned alongside his snarling hellbeast of a pet.

...It'll take him a bit to respond. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Who is 'Mickey Mouse?' And what kind of spell is that?

[He's honestly curious. It seems like it could be useful with a bit of work..]

Mickey Mouse, you know, the Disney character? ...Oh yeah you're from the stone age, you don't even know me yet.

[ currently being VIGOROUSLY SCRUBBED and looking very unamused. ]

I dunno, but I want it to stop.

......

[Well he has no idea what America is talking about, but he can try to offer advice.]

Then why don't you ask the person who cast incantation to end it?

I have no idea who did it!

[ angrily throwing things away from his person. ]

You know, a week ago, I didn't even think magic--like, magic magic--was real, and then I was all excited and then I thought it could exist because Mickey Mouse did this in that one movie, and then I was all excited, and then I remembered that it didn't work out for Mickey but I remembered too late and now-- this!

But why would anyone cast a spell like that without telling you?

.......

Did you insult any wizards? Maybe telling them that their magic wasn't real?

...Not recently! I don't even know anyone claiming to know magic, other than you!

Are you sure? Because you seem like the type who would do that.

I didn't, I swear! I don't know why this is happening to me! The world is conspiring against me to bathe.

[Funny you should put it that way...]

Y'know, if Denmark could cast magic, I bet he'd do stuff like that... He's always forcing me to bathe.

No one should have to bathe if they don't want to! This is just another ploy from The Man to try and keep us down! If we wanna live out in the woods and commune with nature and not dunk ourselves in freezing water to live up to the expectations forced upon us, then we have every right to! It's not like it's a revolution against cleanliness, it's about sticking it to outdated societal constraints! ...And the fact that it's really cold and I don't want to be wet when it's cold!

Exactly right! That's what I keep trying to tell Denmark! Its not like it does him any harm if I don't bathe....

Don't tell me Denmark's working for The Man!

[ America has yet to realize that he is The Man. oh well. ]

Little England, don't let him bathe you unless you want him to wash away the very core to your freedom.

That's right! It should be my choice to-

..............

Who is 'the Man?'

The Man is the one that's keepin' ya down, man. The Man isn't just one guy, no, he's a representation of everything that's trying to keep the world a step back in archaic "ideals" that only serve to make equality and the world as it should be subservient to the world as it was. It's gonna slowly suffocate us unless we take a stand here and now!

[That sounds like some kind of riddle. He takes a moment to slowly puzzle it out, and his voice is uncertain when he answers.]

So.... 'the man' is..... tyranny?

Basically, yeah!

[ irony that he's talking about tyranny to a pre-revolution England. ]

[It is, isn't it?]

..... Does Denmark count? He's always forcing me to take baths and he burned my clothes and he yells a lot.

Hmmm, that's a tough one. He's in NATO, and obviously that means he isn't tyranny incarnate, but he's definitely not a revolutionary like me. He's probably still stuck under The Man's way of thinking!

What's 'NATO?'

My awesome friendship club of freedom and capitalism and everything that isn't Russia! You're--!

[ His face twitches just slightly. Confusion and something else, most likely. ]

Well, older you is in it. I don't know about how you... the little kid version of you, anyway. How that'd work.

It's a club? For nations?

[Honestly nothing like that had even been thought of in his time. The best you got was military alliances.]

But how do you keep everyone in it from fighting over each others land?

I mediate it! Besides, land-grabbing has kinda fell outta fashion by now. Makes having a friendship club all the easier!

[ yes America calls NATO his friendship club. ]

( text → video; english ) this post is all over the place and I don't care. FANTASIAAA.

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