✪ A M E R I C A ✪ (Alfred F. Jones) ✪ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
starspangledhero) wrote2011-08-14 07:30 pm
starspangledhero) wrote2011-08-14 07:30 pm
Entry tags:
( video; english --> text )
[ America appears on screen looking like he just spent two weeks in a ditch (hint: he has). Stubble dots his face, dirt smudges every other inch of him, and he look so displeased.
I told you, bro. I told you about the ditches. ]
It keeps happening.
Luckily for everyone who has ever been in peril or will be in desperate need of saving, your hero is okay! Need a new pair of boots, but otherwise unharmed. Just... need to clean up in a sec. After I finished eating.
Anyone wanna catch me up on what's going on? I've gotta get all my ducks in order now that I'm not stuck...
But first, a public service announcement.
( text; )
YOU COULD BE NEXT!
Pictured: Your grave.
Ditches, quarries, holes, pitfalls, wells--whatever you call them, the very earth you stand on poses a great risk to your health! Every year approximately 1,000 people* fall victim to mud and loose dirt. There is no need to be ashamed. Even I, America, your all-time groovy vision of justice, have been subjected to their torment.
LIVE IN FEAR NO LONGER, CITIZENS! FOR I RESOLVE TO FIGHT THIS EVIL ONCE AND FOR ALL!
(PLEASE DIRECT ALL DONATED BACKHOES TO THE DISSIMULO SUBWAY STOP.)
In the mean time I advise all wary travelers to leave their homes with (1) length of rope, (one) grappling hook, (3) strips of Velcro to stick your communicator to your shirt so you can call for help, (1) backpack full of food and water, and (zero) cats.
If you don't believe me, just listen to the touching stories of these other victims of the ground:
WARNING #2: THE BUDDY SYSTEM DOES NOT WORK. I HAVE TRIED. YOU WILL BE STUCK WITH A CRANKY BRITISH MAN CHEWING YOU OUT OUT FOR EVERY LITTLE INDISCRETION.
It is not undignified to eat boots in times of crisis, England. My breath is the least of your worries. 200 critics agree that this is an important survival tactic and you shouldn't judge me**.
SO REMEMBER TO WATCH YOUR STEP AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH!
[ ooc: Posted pre-event but feel free to respond with either regulars or doubles! ]
I told you, bro. I told you about the ditches. ]
It keeps happening.
Luckily for everyone who has ever been in peril or will be in desperate need of saving, your hero is okay! Need a new pair of boots, but otherwise unharmed. Just... need to clean up in a sec. After I finished eating.
Anyone wanna catch me up on what's going on? I've gotta get all my ducks in order now that I'm not stuck...
But first, a public service announcement.
( text; )
Pictured: Your grave.
Ditches, quarries, holes, pitfalls, wells--whatever you call them, the very earth you stand on poses a great risk to your health! Every year approximately 1,000 people* fall victim to mud and loose dirt. There is no need to be ashamed. Even I, America, your all-time groovy vision of justice, have been subjected to their torment.
LIVE IN FEAR NO LONGER, CITIZENS! FOR I RESOLVE TO FIGHT THIS EVIL ONCE AND FOR ALL!
(PLEASE DIRECT ALL DONATED BACKHOES TO THE DISSIMULO SUBWAY STOP.)
In the mean time I advise all wary travelers to leave their homes with (1) length of rope, (one) grappling hook, (3) strips of Velcro to stick your communicator to your shirt so you can call for help, (1) backpack full of food and water, and (zero) cats.
If you don't believe me, just listen to the touching stories of these other victims of the ground:
- This advice saved my life!
- ~ TB the cockroach
- You are a fucking idiot and a mistake of all creation.
- ~ angry troll kid, speaking to whatever pompous creature does not heed my warning
- Who are you?
- ~ The Who, inquiring WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO DISAGREE WITH ME?
WARNING #2: THE BUDDY SYSTEM DOES NOT WORK. I HAVE TRIED. YOU WILL BE STUCK WITH A CRANKY BRITISH MAN CHEWING YOU OUT OUT FOR EVERY LITTLE INDISCRETION.
It is not undignified to eat boots in times of crisis, England. My breath is the least of your worries. 200 critics agree that this is an important survival tactic and you shouldn't judge me**.
SO REMEMBER TO WATCH YOUR STEP AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH!
* estimated using a mathematical formula that you don't understand
** estimated from the number of credible people I think would disagree with England
** also multiplied by the number of people willing to kiss me with shoe-breath
** estimated from the number of credible people I think would disagree with England
** also multiplied by the number of people willing to kiss me with shoe-breath
[ ooc: Posted pre-event but feel free to respond with either regulars or doubles! ]