starspangledhero | ( text → video; english ) this post is all over the place and I don't care. FANTASIAAA.

AMERICA'S AWESOME CHRISTMAS LIST

MAKE THE TVS WORK SO I CAN WATCH CHRISTMAS MOVIES

CHRISTMAS LIGHTS

CANDY CANES

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

SOME SANTA HATS

A CHRISTMAS TREE

NICE SMELLING SKIN LOTION (I'M BATHING NOW SO NOW I'M ALL DRY AND ITCHY)

WEED!!! (AND A GLASS BONG PLEASE)

A HORSE (PREFERABLY QUARTER HORSE)

A NEW RECORD PLAYER

AND AN ALBUM BY JIMI HENDRIX OR JOHNNY CASH OR FRANK SINATRA OR THE DOORS OR THE ROLLING STONES OR ALL OF THE ABOVE

WARM CLOTHES AND A SCARF

(FREEDOM) PEANUT BRITTLE

SEND PEANUT BRITTLE TO ROSALYN AND TONY AND MOBY AND MILES AND ISAAC AND MIRIA AND OLDER ENGLAND AND LITHUANIA ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS BACK HOME (HUMAN AND OTHERWISE AND NOT KISSINGER) WITH A NOTE THAT SAYS I LOVE THEM AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!

WEED (OR ACID OR K-TABS OR THORAZINE OR WHATEVER YOU'VE GOT) OR TOBACCO

BURGERS AND CHRISTMAS LIGHTS I WANT THEM

AND PLEASE INSTALL A MCDONALDS DOWN THE STREET. AMEN.

[ Insert excited America face here. ]

MY EMBASSY FINALLY HAS LIGHTS AND HOT WATER THANK YOU MADDIE BUTMOREIMPORTANTLYRIGHTNOW-

[ America steps back. He's wearing a tattered, burgundy bathrobe that looks like it's falling apart at the seams. Even worse, he's horribly made himself a blue wizard hat and painted stars onto it. Then he glued some black, vaguely circular papers onto it to look like mouse ears. It looks terrible. All of this took him days to concoct so hey, A for effort. All of this because YEAHHH CLEANING SUPPLIES ACTING ON THEIR OWN. ]

Look! I'm like Mickey Mouse in Fantasia! I am... the sorcerer's apprentice!

[ He starts marching, waving his arms around, generally acting like a goofball. Then, out of nowhere, sponges and brushes, scrubbing him in the vague direction of the bathroom. ]

H-hey, cut it out! Ack! AHHH MERLIN--!

[ He's hearded into the bathroom where there is a loud splash and more of America's ~~wailing~~ complaining as he's cleaned alongside his snarling hellbeast of a pet.

...It'll take him a bit to respond. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm... sorry?

{It's obvious from the video that the cleaning supplys have not yet been able to get into his appartment.}

It's okay, I have guns!

[ firing at some random equipment. shooting things always helps right. ]

...Good luck, then.

Thanks! I'd say the same, but it looks like you're not getting attacked by brooms!

No, our apartment has somehow not been infested with cleaning supplies.
Although there was a broom in here earlier...

{He looks up slighly as though expecting the broom to come out of nowhere.}

Yeah I don't own any brooms but there was one here sweeping earlier. Mostly I just have rags and stuff which aren't bad until they try to scrub you to death.

[ as if on cue, a dish cloth flies into the side of America's face and starts rubbing vigorously. ]

...Are you gonna be okay?

As long as they stick to scrubbing above the belt, I think I'll survive. It's awful, but I will brave it out like a true hero.

...Right.

Mmmff.

[ face is covered in rags ;w; ]