Mun name: Jenna
AIM: bebo the dragon
E-mail: thelastpupnik [at] gmail.com
If you think I could improve on how I play America (or if you feel that I'm bastardizing history a little too much), feel free to either drop me a line here or the above contact list. Anon is on, comments screened, God Bless America.
Mun name: Jenna
[ He sounds disappointed, but more than anything, supremely whiny. ]
Those pills don't do anything! Not an upper, not a downer, nothing. It's probably just a stupid vitamin or something. Something stupid. I almost want to puke it up in protest, but I ate one of those fruit cup things and that would burn coming back. Just now that I would, and it's the principle that counts.
This sucks. I'm gonna light a joint with my new flamethrower. That's right, I've got an awesome flamethrower, and all my excitement is dampened by this.
If I burn my head off lighting up, I'm blaming you, Mr. "Oncoming Storm." And I'm gonna get my horse and I'm gonna ride around without a head and haunt the fuck out of you.
1. Soup for Grell! It was canned but I added more salt and stuff to make it tastier!
2. Sugar cookies for Stocking because I don't remember what I promised you but I figured as long as it was sweet you wouldn't care!
3. Chicken nuggets for whoever. Not made from real chicken but I swear it tastes the same!
4. I had more food and then I ate it.
5. Dog treats for France! You can have them even if you're not tiny anymore.
Man I should just open up my own chain here. More on that later! First I have a bunch of stuff to get in order, like catching one of those death horses and making it love me best and search my house for little recording devices
For those of you living in American Embassy Apartments on Marshall, don't worry! I'll try and fix this place up before winter comes! I won't be around as much as I used to be anymore, so I might need some back-up running the place. Any volunteers?
( locked to self because he needs to give himself a pep talk )
( locked to Tatsumi )
More importantly are the tally marks that have encroached on his face, hands, and arms. In the background there are scrawled writings in the background, so sloppily written you'd think he wasn't even looking at the basement wall when he wrote it: DON'T LOOK AWAY WHEN YOU SEE ONE MAKE A MARK, THERE ARE THINGS IN THE ROOM WITH YOU YOU'RE GOING TO FORGET BUT THEY'RE THERE, WELCOME TO AMERICA SAY THIS WHEN YOU SHOOT THEM, and other things along those lines. ]
What'd I tell ya'll about the fog what did I say? And I was right! Sorta, well, it's bad, doesn't make ya automatically nuts but it brought bad things. Can't have this mask off for long but there's something out there, and none of you know it. I don't even really know it. I dunno remember what they are or what they look like.
[ cough cough wheeze. ] Stupid air. At first I thought I just went crazy, but stuff keeps appearing, like I'm still doing stuff but not knowing it, so I'm just gonna guess this writing on the wall is right and there is really something in here with me. In fact, I'm sure of it! Smells like a gun went off down here so I think I shot some of them, or shot at the ghost of the Rail Tracer because there's goddamn ghosts, but I dunno how many more of the things are--
[ It seems like there's been a skip in the feed. That's all it could have been, right? Unless for some reason, something happened, and you just don't remember it. Now America is sporting a new mark on his arm, his mask his on, and he's breathing hard. Something else on the wall: THEY'RE SILENT. America himself pauses for a moment, then takes the mask off again. He looks a little confused. Anyone watching probably is too. ]
...I was recording something? Wait, where was I? Oh, yeah, fog. I don't have any other gas masks but I gotta get outta here, gotta check on stuff. And I keep running outta bullets and I'm not sure...
[ He turns, reads the writing. ] ...why. Oh. Awesome, I'm fighting something I don't even remember. I can do this. Yeah. Okay, guys, watch yourselves, I'm gonna head out and try to help--
[ Another skip IN YO MEMORYYYY, but this time the video has ended. ]
( ooc note about the monster )
You know, after years of being here and, okay, I've seen some stuff that's pretty much this level of bad, this is still kinda-- aw man, just look at this. Okay this is disturbing in general.
[ He shows a huge spoiler for Game of Thrones with his camera. A second later it blinks, then fades away. America jumps back and gives a small yelp. For good measure, he drops the communicator to fire a few shotgun blasts at the place where it was. Nothing happens. Predictable. So he picks it back up. You can practically see him becoming even more paranoid by the second. ]
The fuck is going on?
[ Now another corpse can be seen nearby. ...It's the same guy covered in arrows. Again, no one he knows, but ten points to you if you know. ]
I should expect this by now. 'Cause this place just likes to mess with us us! And scary, and I can't even tell if this is worse than the place with blood or what. Hoping that this is all in our heads. I mean it's gotta be, right? Just glad there's no familiar faces yet. Gonna find some, I bet, but so far...
Fuck, and you know what? There's still bombs out there too, ones not owned by me, and there's not even a good shelter around here, and what if these are all victims of the Rail Tracer? Don't even fucking laugh because it's a possibility. It's a possibility that we're next but not me, man. Not me.
[ For anyone who can see them, a thestral meanders into the picture and attempts to eat the corpse. Attempt being the operative word. It hisses like a demon at the camera, stomping its feet. Strangely America is not at all perturbed by this. ]
At least we've got cute horsies running around trying to clean up.
I told you, bro. I told you about the ditches. ]
It keeps happening.
Luckily for everyone who has ever been in peril or will be in desperate need of saving, your hero is okay! Need a new pair of boots, but otherwise unharmed. Just... need to clean up in a sec. After I finished eating.
Anyone wanna catch me up on what's going on? I've gotta get all my ducks in order now that I'm not stuck...
But first, a public service announcement.
( ( text ) )
[ ooc: Posted pre-event but feel free to respond with either regulars or doubles! ]
Hey guys, guess whose voice is finally back! No cracks or rasping or anything! Now where's that creepy guy with the needle? Gotta get these things outta my neck. I'd take 'em out myself, but I'm pretty sure England would have a cow if I tried. Then again, we could use more in the herd.
[ Snort. Yes he's amused by his own terrible jokes. Shut up. ]
Sorry I've been outta the loop, guys and gals and whatever trolls are! Been kinda busy. Some things just ain't easy to come by. And I had some fun to take my mind off bein' down about Namine...
[ Read: weed. His face twitches a bit. Evidently he's not over it, but he goes back to smiling. ]
Well, I'll save the tears for another day. Gotta carry on. So what'd I miss? I heard something about Spero? Sorry, wasn't really paying attention. I got bored and wandered around.
( locked to Japan; unhackable )
Alright guys, for you new tourists/passengers/anyone willing to pay me for stuff out there, here's a few basic facts about your new vacation spot:
1. I am the best ever and my house is wayyyy cooler than Discedo so STOP BY NEW YORK ON YOUR WAY HOME AND GO SEE THE SIGHTS! I mean, look at me. Just look. I am a beautiful country full of prosperity. You want to be my tourist. It's just fact.
2. It's. Just. Fact.
Tres. That's three in Mexico!
4. I'm the hero so if you run into any trouble, I'm the guy to call!
5. Tricks are what a whore does for money. I do awesome. By that I mean I can puke polar bears! Sometimes. Depending on the day.
That's about it! I'm America and this has been "An Introduction To Discedo For Everyone Who Isn't Russia."
[ ooc: I'm still at a con so replies won't come until I'm off hiatus next week. Just thout I'd throw this up while I have a spare moment! ]
[ No, he doesn't care if he's going to wake up everyone with this. He just looks so. excited. Like more excited than any rational person has any right to be. This is a normal state of being for America, but considering the circumstances, it may seem a little... odd. The camera gives a nice clear view of the mushroom cloud from the roof, then goes over to America's smiling face. ]
GUYS, DID YOU SEE?! SOMEONE SET OFF A BOMB! Okay, yeah, I'm a little annoyed that someone else has got some, and someone I don't know, but since Russia isn't around it can't be him or any of his allies, but still! Look at it!
[ The screen wavers a bit as he starts to pace around. The camera is now trained back towards the cloud. And yet he still jabbers on. ]
How big d'ya think that yield is? Couple hundred kilotons? I've done that. These guys have gotta be amateurs or something. One time I made this one that was 15 megatons and it just incinerated the island I was using. Just gone! If this one is more than that, I've gotta get some tips from these guys. Not that I need 'em! I'm gettin' better every day! And I bet I have more!
Mannnn, this makes me miss my test site. I'd always get to see the new stuff and the guys would even get me a bowl of popcorn. HEY, TATSUMI, MAKE ME SOME POPCORN AND MEET UP HERE!
[ He finally stops pacing and turns the camera away from the cloud. His head tilts a bit while he stares at it. ]
I wonder if that was just a test. Or that whoever set it off is friendly. If they're not, I should be talking to them about how to use their stuff responsibly! It's my job as the hero after all! This all kinda reminds me that I should be thinking about stuff for back home too, with Russia still being a fucking whackjob and all. I bet I could get a yield higher than the one out there. Just gotta figure out where to test it!
[ He looks like he's about to say more, but instead he just sits down and stares. Just freaking stares like he's watching TV or something. ]
Japan said he's taking care of Tatsumi. So... is everyone else okay? Sorry I couldn't help ya sooner.
O-okay, okay so, I know there's a lot of things bein' said about Tatsumi and... a-and I know, since there's blood and all, and he's gone missing- it's not all his fault-!
I'M SORRY I GAVE HIM RABIES!
I KNEW AND I WASN'T SAFE! I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS AN STD! O-or that you could get it from drinking blood but I guess- AND NOW THAT HE'S GOT THE CHIP OUT IT'S ALL IN HIS BRAIN AND HE'S RUNNING AROUND ALL RABID AND HE'S BITING PEOPLE, ISN'T HE? I'M GONNA FIX IT DON'T WORRY I'LL FIX IT! HANG ON TATSUMI, I'LL SAVE YOU FROM THE RABIES!
USE PROTECTION. DON'T GIVE YOUR PARTNER RABIES!
[ He coughs, sniffles, tries to take a breath. ]
B-but don't worry everyone, I'll get this fixed! I'll catch him! J-just don't go around with a stake or silver bullets or anything, okay?! Because he's just sick! And I can cure him! I'm the hero, I'll save everyone.
...Meanwhile, ya'll should get some shots!
So. America has just found himself in a completely different life, in which he is a human college student with tons friends, a supposed girlfriend, and copious amounts of fast food. If you expected him to be standing before you in anything but a college hoodie and a huge smile, you were sorely mistaken. ]
GUYS! GUYS! GUYS!!!!
PARTY AT KAPPA SIG HOUSE, THIS SATURDAY! SHOW UP WHENEVER BECAUSE I'M STARTING THE PARTY AS SOON AS I'M AWAKE! AND THERE'S NOTHING THE MAN CAN DO TO STOP US!
[ Ten bucks says America will ruin the rest of the week with a student-wide take over. No one will be surprised. Anyway, here is where he gives the address and some vague directions on how to get there (which is something along the lines of "GET OFF THE FERRY, WALK UNTIL YOU SEE THE STOP SIGN WITH BLUE SPRAY PAINT ON IT" etc. A couple guys hang out in the background hitting golf balls onto the roof. Behold his friendship. ]
Yeah, yeah, I heard the rest of you guys, but you gotta relax. Whatever's going on, live in the moment! When's the last time any of you have had real hot wings? Or watched TV? Or any of those important things in life?! C'mon! Take a sec to just kick back and enjoy yourselves for one night, and then we can go back to being confused!
Well. More confused. We've kinda been stuck in that other Discedo with weird shit happening since however-long, so once you're used to that, this is a blessing! Maybe it's God's early Easter present to us!
ANYWAY. PARTY. MY PLACE. SATURDAY. EVERYONE INVITED. EVERYONE. WE'LL FIGURE OUT THE MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE OVER A KEG AND OTHER STUFF. WINK WINK.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS PLAN.
IT'S FUCKING FLAWLESS.
CAN'T USE SHIFT CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE I BROKE MY HAND CLEANING HIS HOOVES. TYPING WITH THE OTHER.
OH AND I GOT SOME COOL OUTFITS TOO! I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL OF THEM ARE BUT ONE HAS A WHIP AND A HAT AND ANOTHER LOOKS LIKE A POLICE UNIFORM AND A SPOOKY ONE AND A COUPLE OTHERS. I LOOK REALLY GOOD IN THEM!
GUYS MY HAND LOOKS REALLY GROSS LOOK AT THIS:
HOLD ON I'M HAVING TROUBLE TURNING ON VID
( video; english )
--oh, there we go!
[ America grins, then turns the video to his hand. It's swollen, one of the fingers is blackened, and the nail has fallen off. He has to show everyone his gross injuries always. He turns it back to himself; he's wearing his Indiana Jones outfit, minus the hat. ]
Sick, right? I'm gonna splint it up and stuff, so hopefully it won't take too long to heal! And then I can get to work making a saddle to fit him and Namine's pony! The plains should be thawed enough to graze them this spring. Man, I'm excited to finally get to ride again!
And if anyone has some pain meds or anything, that'd be cool.
[ America gives a thumbs up with his non-broken hand before shutting off the video. ]
oh oh wait.
look my text is special too!!
troll typing with rainbows. and liberty and justice for all.
life is beautiful.
I AM SITTING ON THIS COUCH AND WATCHING RAINBOWS IN THE AIR FUCK YES.
I must pet them.
[ clown fish + stingrays = a stoner's dream. ]
HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT?! WE'VE GOT TWO NEW SMILING COWS WITH FLOATING HOOVES AT THE STABLES AND YOU HAVE ME TO THANK!!
[ ...check. ]
I'll accept gifts as tokens of your appreciation, but a simple thanks is good enough for me! See, People in Charge? This is why I asked for horses! The little plastic one ya gave me wasn't much help! Still, too bad I didn't record it, my wrangling skills are pretty impressive when I've only got my bare hands. Just ask Norway!
Oh, speaking of which Nor, I got myself all fixed up! I even made it festive!
[ America sets the communicator down on the table. Surely he's about to just show off an impressive bruise on his abdomen or something? No. No he's not.
He's turning around.
And pulling down his fucking pants.
Say hello to America's ass. There's a discolored wound on the right cheek, but that's not the point. The point is that his stitches are in the shape of a heart. America glances over his shoulder, grinning like a frat boy who just mooned the cops, and wiggles his hips a bit. ]
JUST FOR YOU, DISCEDO! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
[ He laughs like the greatest gift he could possibly give the city: a look at his ass. It would probably be better if it wasn't, you know, wounded. You're welcome regardless. ]
It's because he's drenched in blood.
That's not an exaggeration. He's covered in it, even his face and hair. This is why your parents tell you not to run around the pool. You will fall. ]
It's not mine. I'm not fine, but not hurt. I don't wanna explain right now. I'm spending the night in.
[ He sighs and rubs his eye with the heel of his palm. You can probably hear a shower running in the background. ]
As soon as Namine's done washing it off her, I'm taking a scrub and going to bed. Might not be out for a while, unless the city falls into a new peril and needs a hero, 'course.
...Everyone else okay? Everyone in the city. Pretty sure no one's making it outta wherever we were without something fucked up. Man I'm tired.
[ Another shaky sigh, and the camera shakes violently as he moves to turn it off. He mutters something as he does, more to himself than anyone else. ]
I don't wanna think.
Yeesh, usually I check in more than this, but you know how it goes: busy taking down vicious beasts, throwing birthday parties, saving the city, the usual! Ah, hold on...
[ He fumbles in his pocket for a key, opening his door... ]
So earlier I had this really good idea for-!
[ This is promptly cut off by a scream. It is the scream of someone who is now witnessing their precious pet dog(dragonwolfmonsterhellbeast) being eviscerated and eaten. Actually, here, have a quick view of the scene while America presses himself against the wall: ...why, it's only Nepeta enjoying a meal consisting of monster meat! What's so terrible about that?
Fucking everything, damn it. That blood splatter on the floor was his pet. How would you feel if someone ate your dog? Not too hot. Even if the creature eating your pet happens to be a cute little troll girl who, at the moment, looks a bit like a pet who just got caught doing something they shouldn't. The irony of this situation continues to mount. ]
PUPPY, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! OHMYGOD IT'S EATING MY DOG!
[ Cue more incoherent screaming as he grapples for his shotgun. Amidst his struggling, the communicator switches off.
If you are in Marshall, you can probably hear his screaming. ]
Anyway, Japan, I've got your jacket. Sorry about that! At some point I started thinking that I need to change my identity for some secret mission. Don't remember if I was explaining myself clearly and I don't remember all the details as to why I thought I needed to do that but the point is I've got your jacket and I think your socks! Or these are someone else's socks. And someone else's shirt. Man I have no idea how I got these.
Still in better shape than last year.
WHATEVER I'M NOT REALLY HUNGOVER ANYMORE SO I CAN TYPE LIKE THIS:
How'd it go for everyone else? I really don't remember who I partied with!
[ feel free to have partied with him into the hours of the morning/have him traded clothing items with you. ]
[ Insert excited America face here. ]
MY EMBASSY FINALLY HAS LIGHTS AND HOT WATER THANK YOU MADDIE BUTMOREIMPORTANTLYRIGHTNOW-
[ America steps back. He's wearing a tattered, burgundy bathrobe that looks like it's falling apart at the seams. Even worse, he's horribly made himself a blue wizard hat and painted stars onto it. Then he glued some black, vaguely circular papers onto it to look like mouse ears. It looks terrible. All of this took him days to concoct so hey, A for effort. All of this because YEAHHH CLEANING SUPPLIES ACTING ON THEIR OWN. ]
Look! I'm like Mickey Mouse in Fantasia! I am... the sorcerer's apprentice!
[ He starts marching, waving his arms around, generally acting like a goofball. Then, out of nowhere, sponges and brushes, scrubbing him in the vague direction of the bathroom. ]
H-hey, cut it out! Ack! AHHH MERLIN--!
[ He's hearded into the bathroom where there is a loud splash and more of America's
...It'll take him a bit to respond. ]